Just a Matter of Time
by mmldt
Summary: Cupcake fic, rated M for language and eventually sexual content.
1. Chapter 1

_Just borrowing JE's characters, not making any money off of this, and so forth. Not sure how long this will be and/or how often I'll be able to update, but I'll try not to take too long between chapters. Thanks for reading ... enjoy! _

* * *

"So this is it? This is _really_ what you want?" Her voice was shaky, and her mind hadn't quite caught up to the reality of the situation she was now facing.

"No, it isn't at all what I want, Stephanie, but this is what you're choosing. What more can I do?"

She shook her head and stared down at the floor. "I don't understand, Joe. Why now? Why, after all these years ..."

Her voice trailed off, and she heard him laugh lightly. "Exactly, Steph. _After all these years_." He hesitated, and she thought he was finished, but finally he spoke. "I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of pretending that I'm not ready to marry you. I was ready years ago. I thought over time you'd finally be ready, too, but ..."

"Joe, I just need a little more time ..." but before she could finish her sentence, he was already shaking his head no.

"Sorry, Cupcake, I need to move on. If you can't make a commitment to me, after all that we've been through, then something's wrong. And giving you a little more time isn't going to do a damn bit of good."

She wiped the tears from her eyes and stared down at Bob. He was sitting between them, wagging his tail, waiting for either a trip outside or some food for his belly. It didn't really matter which. Bob was content with whatever they chose. She envied him that, but she hated being forced into something she didn't think she was ready to do.

"I just don't understand ... I don't understand why it has to be marriage or nothing at all."

"Because, Stephanie, I want a wife. I want a family. I'm not getting any younger. I'd like to have kids before I'm old and gray so that I can play with them, be a good father to them." He stared down at Bob and scratched him behind his ears. "So say I give you another two years. Another five. And you're still not ready?"

"Joe, that's not going to happen ..."

"So why can't you marry me now?"

She glanced over at the jewelry box sitting on the table and felt her chest tighten. She'd wanted to say "yes" more than anything in the world, but there was something holding her back. Unfinished business seemed to be the best way to describe it.

"I just can't. Not yet. Not now."

He nodded his head and pulled her to him. "I'll always love you," he whispered. "I'm always going to be there for you if you get into trouble." He kissed her gently and slowly pulled away. He reached down and grabbed his keys and walked towards the front door. "I'll give you a few hours to get your things together. Take your time saying goodbye." He smiled weakly, walking out of the door, and out of her life.

* * *

"Going up," Mrs. Bestler said. "Purses and accessories?" she asked.

Stephanie nodded her head and stared down at the floor. She didn't even remember walking to her door, but somehow she had managed to get it unlocked and had immediately collapsed onto the sofa. How could it be over with Joe? After everything they'd been through? After all that they meant to each other?

She sat there in the dark, not moving, not feeling, not wanting to face the reality that was now her life. Her cell phone rang, and she snatched it up, praying to see Joe's name on the display. She let out a sigh and tossed it back down on the coffee table. She wasn't in the mood to talk to Valerie.

Minutes turned into hours, and finally she picked herself up off the couch and trudged her way into the kitchen. She checked on Rex, gave him something from the refrigerator, and shuffled into the bathroom. She turned the knobs and watched the water flow from the faucet. She felt numb. She felt like someone she loved with all her heart had just died, and she was never going to see them again.

She turned the water off and dragged herself into her bedroom. She fell down on her bed and cried herself to sleep.

* * *

"So you and Officer Hottie still on the outs?" Lula asked, watching as Stephanie polished off her fifth doughnut.

"There's no _out's_ to it, Lula. We're over."

Connie glanced up from her desk, and Stephanie caught the look she gave Lula.

"_What_?"

"Nothing," Connie said. She swiveled around in her chair so that her back was now facing Stephanie. "We just feel bad for you. That's all."

"Well don't," Stephanie grumbled, grabbing what she told herself was going to be her sixth and final doughnut for the day. "It's for the best. It's what _I_ chose."

The door opened, and Ranger walked in. He stood in front of Stephanie, staring down at her face, and then he grinned. "Walk with me," he said.

She dropped the doughnut and followed behind him. "So word is that there's no more you and Morelli." She could hear the smile in his voice, but she chose to ignore it.

"Mmm-hmm."

"So I guess _he's_ the one who found a new destination."

"That's not funny."

Their eyes met, and Stephanie thought for a second that he might kiss her. "You need to talk about it?" he asked.

"Not really."

"Good." He motioned towards his car and opened the door for her.

"I thought we were going to walk?" She raised an eyebrow at him but slid into the front seat anyway.

"We did. To the car."

He started the engine and pulled into traffic, silently watching the cars ahead.

"Are we going somewhere in particular?"

"I need you to make a delivery for me. Won't take long."

"And then what?"

Ranger slowed and came to a stop at the red light. He raised a questioning eyebrow and then started forward as soon as the light turned green. "And then I pay you for your time. And hopefully a job well done."

"That's not what I meant."

A slow smile crept across his face, and he turned to look at her again. "You're more than welcome to come home with me, if that's what you're getting at. That's been an open offer since the last time we were together."

"And then what?"

Ranger shook his head and took a left at the next light. "There is no _'then what_,' Babe. It never mattered to me that Morelli was in the picture before, and it doesn't matter to me that he's out of it now."

She rolled her eyes and fought back the urge to smack him in the head.

"You're mad?"

"_You think_?! Gee, aren't you perceptive?" She sighed loudly and turned her head so as to avoid the sight of him.

Ranger cut a sharp right and pulled into an abandoned parking lot, coming to a screeching halt. He engaged the brake but left the car running. "I'm not a knight in shining armor, Babe. Sorry, but if that's what you're looking for ..."

"Fuck you."

He laughed at that one and moved closer to her. "Babe, if you're looking for a good time, then I'm here for you. If you're looking for a new Morelli, well then, you're barking up the wrong tree."

She shook her head in disbelief and turned to look at him. "No, Morelli's definitely one-of-a-kind. Even I know that. Just drive the damn car so I can deliver whatever the hell it is that you want delivered."

"First I want to know why you're so mad."

She chewed on her bottom lip and stared blankly out the window. They sat in silence for what seemed like ages, so finally she spoke simply because the lack of noise was making her head hurt. "Sex is all I'm good for?"

"I never said that."

"Then what?"

"Why do you keep asking _'then what_?" He slipped a finger under her chin and raised it slightly. "You're good for a lot of things. Right now it happens to be for delivering a package. Perhaps later tonight you'll be good for ..."

She pushed his hand away from her and unbuckled, giving him the dirtiest look she could muster.

"Babe, all I can tell you is what I've already said. You're more than welcome to come back to my place ... tonight, tomorrow, any time. Hell, move in if you want. But there will never be a commitment. I won't ever put a ring on your finger. Which should work out fine, because you don't seem to want one."

She stayed silent, so he continued. "If you get pregnant, it'll have to be taken care of. I've already got one kid, and she's enough for me. But again, that shouldn't be a problem, because you don't seem to want kids anyway."

She sighed disgustedly and opened the car door. "Make your own damn delivery." She slammed the door shut and started walking.

Ranger drove along beside her, trying to talk her back into his car. "Get in the car, Babe. You're just mad because I didn't say what you want to hear. I'm not going to be your back-up plan."

She stopped dead in her tracks. "_What_?"

"You heard me. I'll show you a good time, but I'm not romancing you with champagne and roses. You had your chance with that with Morelli. I'm offering sex and lots of it. Fast cars. Fancy vacations. Nice hotel rooms. Beautiful clothes. You'll get a good time with me, but nothing else."

She nodded her head. "I get it. You're the bling." _And Morelli's the substance_.

Ranger laughed at that and then reached over and opened the car door. "It's starting to rain. Get in the car."

She stood there, motionless, realizing that despite the rain, everything was now suddenly clear. Just like that, the fog lifted, and reality hit her. Big time.

She shivered as the rain continued to pelt her, and she contemplated walking back to Vinnie's office. After a few seconds she decided that it wasn't worth risking a cold, because she had to be in perfect health for what she knew she had to do next.

Stephanie took a deep breath and slipped back into the seat, shutting the door a bit too forcefully. As soon as she buckled herself in, Ranger reached for her hand, but she quickly pulled it away. He simply smirked, put the car in 'drive' and made his way out of the parking lot.

_What I have to do next,_ she thought again. She hadn't had any contact with Morelli since the day she'd turned down his proposal, and she'd been careful to avoid all the whispers and gossip about him. She had no idea if he was already seeing someone else, but she had to find out. She'd hurt him with her indecision and rejection, and truth be told, there was a small part of her that was afraid he wouldn't take her back. But she wasn't going to give up without a fight, that was for sure. If someone else was in the picture, she was going to have to take her down. If he was still a single man, she was going to have to win him back.

She'd played the part of the fool long enough, and it was finally time to grow up. Morelli was going to take her back. She'd see to that. And before the year was out, she'd be his wife.

Now that her mind was made up, the wheels started to turn, and she shivered in anticipation as to what was ahead of her. She'd never shirked from a good challenge, and she wasn't about to start now. She watched the rain splash against her window and turned to stare at Ranger. How had she been so stupid? She wasn't in love with two men after all. There was only one man that she loved, and he was going to be hers. No matter what the costs. Now matter what she had to do or what she had to say. Her heart skipped a beat, and her thoughts raced ahead, as she began to plot and plan.

She made the delivery and declined Ranger's invitation to accompany him home. He dropped her off in front of Vinnie's and once again offered his services for when she got "lonely." She smiled politely and gave him the finger. He merely laughed and drove away, leaving her to ponder why on earth she'd thought she was in love with him in the first place.

Seeing as it was still raining, she decided it might be wise to get herself somewhere warm and dry, so she quickly waved to Connie and Lula and started for home. She stopped off for a pizza, feeling true hunger again for the first time in weeks.

But it wasn't exactly food that she wanted. Her mind was on a gorgeous Italian cop, who was hard-muscled, lean bodied, with the finest ass around. Morelli was what she wanted, and she was going to have him. Now all she had to do was to convince him that he still wanted her. _Piece of cake_, she thought. She polished off the pizza crust, ignoring that tiny voice in the back of her head that was trying to warn her it might not be so easy.

After all, what did that tiny voice know? It was the same one that had managed to convince her that she was also in love with Ranger, so it obviously didn't have a clue about anything.

She kicked back, turned up the volume on the television, and thought ahead to the next day. Joe Morelli was going to be hers. Tomorrow at that time, she'd be lying in his bed, that diamond ring on her finger.

It was just a matter of time.


	2. Chapter 2

Stephanie woke up early the next morning, prettied herself the best she could, and hurried over to the Tastry Pastry. She picked up a freshly baked coffee cake, two Boston Cremes, and half a dozen glazed doughnuts. She bought two flavored coffees and was feeling so happy that she even tossed a dollar into the tip jar.

As soon as she made it home, she checked the time, scrounged around in her purse for her cell phone, and hit speed dial.

"Did I wake you?" she asked in her sweetest, trying-to-care, voice.

"Nope. I've been up for hours. Have to help get the kids ready for school, and get my sorry ass off to work."

"Oh yeah, right. Sometimes I manage to forget you have kids."

"If only _I_ could," he muttered. "So whatcha need, Steph?"

"What makes you think I need something? Geez, Eddie. So suspicious."

"Well let's see. It's not even eight in the morning, you're usually asleep ...

"I was just going to invite you over for some coffee cake before you go to work. Oh, and doughnuts, too."

"What's the catch?"

"No catch. God. Stop it."

He was silent for a moment and said, "Okay, sure. I'll be there in about twenty minutes."

"Great. See ya in a bit." She disconnected and sat there, pondering her approach.

Thirty minutes later, Eddie was sitting at her table, stuffing his face with coffee cake. "Not that I'm not enjoying the peace and quiet, Steph, but I know you haven't invited me over without a reason."

She started to protest but then realized it was time to get to the point. "Fine. I need a favor."

He took a sip of his coffee and continued staring.

"I need you to find out if Morelli's seeing someone."

He sat his coffee down and raised an eyebrow. "I don't want to do that."

"You have to do it. _Please_. I've already called everyone I can think of, and no one knows for sure. You can just go right up to him and ask."

"_Oh, like that won't look weird_. Why can't you just suck it up and apologize for whatever it was you did?"

She narrowed her eyes at him and crossed her arms. "Why do you automatically assume _I_ did something I need to apologize for? Maybe he did something."

"Steph, this is me you're talking to." He cut off another square of coffee cake and stuffed it in his mouth. "Look, we've known each other a long time. Just tell me what's going on, and then we'll go from there."

She took a deep breath and started in, not sparing a single detail. By the time she finished, Eddie was still cramming coffee cake down his throat, but he now had a doubtful look on his face. "I don't think it's going to be as easy as you think it is, Steph. You fucked up. Big time."

"No shit," she told him. "That's why I want to do this right. I want him to know that I'm sorry, and I want him to forgive me. And you know, still want to marry me." She planted her elbows on the table, plopped her head down in the palms of her hands, and let out a big sigh. "But I need to know if there's another woman in the picture. Because if there is, I have to get rid of her."

"I'll see what I can do. But I'm not making any promises."

"Thanks, Eddie! You're the best!"

"Yeah, yeah. Tell your cousin that, and we'll call it even."

She walked him to the door and handed him the box of glazed doughnuts. "A little treat for later. You can eat one before you ask him, and another one afterwards. Well, after you've called me immediately to let me know what he says."

She shut the door behind him and looked around her living room. She was too wired to go back to sleep, too nervous to sit, so she decided to clean. She'd just rehung the blinds in her bedroom window when her cell phone chirped. "Eddie," she said to herself. She took a deep breath and clicked on. "What's the news?"

"Okay, promise me you won't get upset and start crying."

"Oh shit. What did you find out?"

"You might want to sit down."

She swallowed down the lump in her throat and sat. "Okay. I'm sitting."

"So I told him Shirley and I needed another couple to join our bowling league ..."

"You and Shirley bowl?"

"No, Steph. Do you want me to tell you this or not?"

"Of course. Sorry."

"So I asked him if he thought the two of you would like to join."

"So you pretended not to know we were broken up?"

"No, I pretended I thought the two of you were back together."

"Oh."

"Anyway, if you could stop interrupting me for five seconds ..."

"Sorry."

"So he declines, and I tell him if he's got a new girl, it's fine if he wants to join with her."

She said a silent prayer and gave herself a quick pep talk not to cry.

"He doesn't have a new girlfriend."

"Oh thank God!" she yelled out. Her hands were trembling, and she realized her right leg was bouncing up and down like crazy.

"Hold on Steph. Don't get too happy just yet."

"Shit."

"So he says he's taking a time-out before he gets back out there. So I laugh and tell him that won't happen, because the two of you will be back together next time I talk to him."

"You said that? What did he say?"

"He laughed and said, 'No, not this time. My days with Stephanie are a thing of the past.' Or something like that. I can't remember his exact words."

"Shit."

"Shit is right, Steph. He was dead serious."

She thought about being depressed but quickly stopped herself. "Well too bad for him. Because we're getting back together whether he likes it or not."

Eddie started laughing. "That's the spirit. Listen, I gotta go. My break's up." He hesitated a moment and then added, "I wish you luck, Steph. You're gonna need it."

"Thanks, Eddie. I really appreciate you doing this for me."

"No problem. Let me know if I can help you with anything else."

"Oh, I will." She disconnected and threw the phone down beside her. She covered her face with her hands and took a few steadying breaths. Okay, so it looked bad, but it wasn't hopeless. This was Joe after all. She knew all of his buttons, all of his turn-ons, and she'd be damn sure to use them to her advantage.

She sat there a while longer and decided that she'd be wise not to approach him just yet. There were a few things she needed to do first, and if everything worked out the way that she hoped, he'd be the one calling her. She grabbed her purse, doublechecked that she had her credit card, and then headed for the mall.

* * *

A few hours later Stephanie walked into the office and dropped her purse on Connie's desk. She stood there with a huge smile on her face, but Connie and Lula just frowned.

"Something's different about you," Connie said, staring her down.

"Yeah. Have you gained weight?" Lula asked.

"Sort of," Stephanie said, still smiling. She poked her chest out a bit, and then Connie nodded her head. "Oh, I see. Your boobs are bigger." Connie stood up and walked over to her, continuing to stare her down. "What have you put in there?"

"Those gel things. I'm trying different sizes. If I find one I like, I may just go for it."

Connie and Lula both look puzzled.

"Implants," Stephanie explained. She chewed on her bottom lip and raised her brows. "So what do you think?"

Connie shook her head. "No, it's not you."

Stephanie immediately frowned and dismissed her, looking over to Lula.

"Don't look at me. I got no opinion about women and their boobs."

"You have an opinion about everything, Lula."

"Okay, so maybe I do." Then Lula frowned as well and shook her head. "I don't think bigger boobs are going to win over Ranger. I think he's more of an ass man."

"I'm not trying to win over Ranger!" Stephanie said with disgust. "I'm trying to win back Morelli."

Lula stared at her some more. "It ain't your boobs you need to be worried about. It's them nasty clothes you wear."

Stephanie stared down at herself and frowned. "I'm going to work on that. I can't do everything in one day." She plopped down on the couch and sighed. "I'm going to get new clothes after I do something about my hair."

"Finally!" Lula exclaimed, all happy and excited. "You should get you some extensions. After you get rid of all them curls ..."

"I like her hair," Connie interjected. "Keep the curls."

Stephanie touched her hair instinctively and cringed. "I was actually thinking about a new color," she said, and immediately she caught Connie's frown.

"Steph, what're you doing? I mean, come on. Wanting to color your hair? And those?" Connie pointed at Stephanie's chest and frowned again. "What's with the fake boobs? It just doesn't make any sense."

"What do you mean?" Stephanie asked. "Men like big boobs. Guys are always checking out yours."

"Yeah, but mine are real. And besides, Morelli liked you before with your own boobs. I don't think you need to make them bigger."

Stephanie frowned and let out a sigh, pulling one of the inserts out of her bra. "I don't know. Maybe you're right. But I'm desperate. I don't think Morelli's going to take me back, so I thought ..."

"You're not thinking. That's the problem."

"It's just if I make myself more appealing, then there's no way he'll be able to resist me."

"Steph, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but you know I pride myself on being honest. And straightforward."

Stephanie nodded her head and mentally braced herself for what Connie was about to say. Lula stood by quietly, taking it all in.

"Morelli's either going to take you back or he's not. It doesn't have anything to do with all of this." Connie pointed at Stephanie and made a big circular motion with her finger. "He loved you with your hair that color, with your hair that curly, with your wardrobe that boring, and with your boobs that size."

"Maybe," Stephanie said, pretending she had something in her eye, so they wouldn't see the tear that was about to fall. "I just want him back. I want him to propose to me again. I want him to still love me."

The sound of Vinnie's office door opening startled her, and Stephanie jumped. He walked out and immediately frowned in her direction. "One of your tits is bigger than the other."

She stared down at herself and shrugged her shoulders. "Who cares?"

"Damn Vinnie. What'd that take? Like a second for you to notice?" Connie shook her head in disgust, wondering how on earth she continued to work for a man like Vinnie.

"Yeah, and Stephanie's your cousin. You're one sick son of a bitch." Lula didn't really care, but it was fun to mess with him just the same.

Vinnie stared at them and lifted his arms in a _whatever_ gesture. "So? That doesn't mean she doesn't have tits." He grabbed a stack of files off of Connie's desk and threw them at Stephanie. "Hey, it's no different than if my fly were down. I'd want her to tell me."

"Trust me, Vinnie. I wouldn't even notice," Stephanie said. "I have a hard enough time looking at your face. Forget me noticing anything about your body."

"What's got you in a pissy mood?"

"Morelli."

"Shut up, Lula." Stephanie made a face at her, but Lula just ignored her.

"Well whatever it is, forget about it for now, and get your ass out there and do some work. Daddy needs a new pair of shoes." Vinnie ran his hands over his slicked back hair, and Stephanie resisted the urge to puke.

He turned around and walked back towards his office, calling out over his shoulder, "Hold my calls, Connie. I don't wanna be disturbed."

Stephanie sat there, chewing on her lip, and then another thought came to her. "Okay, so if it's not my appearance I need to change, then how about my personality?"

"Now you're talking," Lula chimed in. "Of course you still need to work on the way you dress. If not for Officer Hottie, then do it for us. We're kinda tired of seeing you dressed like that all the time. You'd be doing us a favor."

She narrowed her eyes and threw the fake boob she was still holding at Lula.

Connie let out a mental sigh and rolled back in her chair. "I don't know, Steph. It's kinda the same thing. If he loved your personality before ..."

"Okay, so it's not so much my personality, but more the things I need to do to be a good wife. I mean, I failed miserably with Dickie, and I don't want to make the same mistakes."

"I don't think you should hold anything that happened with Dickie against yourself," Connie said, but Stephanie ignored her.

"It doesn't matter. This is more for me. To boost my self-esteem." She was on a roll, and nothing was going to deter her.

Connie raised an eyebrow but decided to keep her mouth shut. She knew Stephanie wasn't going to listen to reason, so what was the point?

"Get a piece of paper, so we can make a list. On one side put 'What I Can Do' and on the other side write 'What I Can't Do.' Then I can see the things I need to work on."

"Oh, this is gonna be fun. I might even learn me a thing or two to help with my relationship with Tank."

"Okay," Connie said. "Number one."

They all looked at each other and shrugged. "What's the number one thing a good wife should do?" Stephanie asked, her mind lost in thought.

"I know," Lula immediately said. "Give a mean blow job."

"Oh yeah," Connie said in agreement. "Good one. That's definitely a must."

Stephanie stared at them for a moment, and immediately her mind went to her parents. She'd always considered her mother to be a good wife, someone she could look up to. _Did that mean_? Oh, that was just wrong. She didn't want to go there.

"Ohmigod," she said without thinking. "Eww." Before she could stop herself she thought of Valerie and Albert's penis, and her stomach lurched. Connie was watching her intently, and Lula was shaking her head like she was pathetic. Then a vision of Eddie and Shirley flashed in her head, and she started to gag.

"Damn, girl," Lula exclaimed. "That's how you react when you think about blow jobs?"

Connie and Lula looked at each other, and Lula shook her head again. "This is gonna be harder than I thought. I'm thinking now that maybe Morelli might not want you back. He might have found him someone to give him a blow job who don't act like that."

Stephanie narrowed her eyes at Lula and snapped, "Don't say that." She shook her head to clear out all of the disgusting thoughts and grabbed a water bottle from the mini fridge by Connie's desk. She took a big gulp and screwed the cap back on firmly. "Not that it's any of your business, but I don't have a problem in that department."

"Could've fooled me," Lula argued.

"Just check that one off the list, Connie." She leaned over Connie's shoulder and watched as she placed a tiny check beside it. She added an asterisk, and Stephanie thumped her head.

"_What_? All that means is you say you can do it, but maybe you should consider working on it."

Stephanie rolled her eyes and continued. "Okay, so what's the second thing a good wife should do?"

"Um, how about give up the remote control?"

"Yeah, I can do that."

Connie checked that one.

"Third?"

"Oh, I know, I know," Connie said excitedly. "Wear naughty lingerie and have sex in any and all positions."

Stephanie narrowed her eyes at Connie and folded her arms across her chest. "I'm pretty certain you can check off anything sex related. I don't have problems in that area."

"Humph," Lula said, but Stephanie ignored her.

"Fine," Connie replied, and she drew a huge checkmark beside what she'd written.

"Let's be serious, guys. I need to do this. I need to change. Or at least improve myself."

"How 'bout being a good brown-noser?"

"_What_?"

"You know ... ask him about his day and pretend like everything he says is important, tell him he looks good, that he's the best you've ever had. All that bullshit."

"Confidence builder," Connie said, nodding her head. "I like that."

"Okay," Stephanie said, looking over Connie's shoulder. "I can do that. You can check that off the list."

Lula looked at Stephanie doubtfully. "I don't know, Connie. I wouldn't check that one if I was you. You and me both know that Stephanie here ain't all that nice."

Connie looked up at Stephanie, and her mouth scrunched sideways in thought. "Lula does have a point, Steph. You're kind of mean sometimes."

"_I am not_!"

"Yeah, and you're not very complimentary."

"Ain't that for sure."

"Neither one of you have a clue what you're talking about. I'm very nice. _Extremely_ nice. Perhaps even _too nice_."

"Ahahahahaha," Lula snorted loudly, obviously exagerrating her ha-ha's a bit too much.

"I hate you!" Stephanie said emphatically.

"See!"

"I am too nice!" Stephanie pouted. "Check off brown-noser, Connie!"

"How 'bout this new outfit I got on? You haven't said a single nice thing about it." Lula pretended to pout, and Stephanie resisted the urge to hit her. She didn't want to give them even more proof to use against her, though, so she held back.

Instead she sighed and pointed to Lula's shirt. "Because that's not new! You've worn it plenty of times."

"But a nice person would pretend not to know that and compliment it anyway."

"Oh for Heaven's sakes," Stephanie yelled out. "This is ridiculous. Just move on to the next one," she shouted at Connie.

"See how rude she is?" Lula added, while Connie nodded. She checked it off but added an asterisk. "That's there just to remind you to be nicer."

Stephanie rubbed her forehead with her hand and took a deep breath. "Why do you guys make everything so complicated?" She took another sip of water and thought for a second. "Let's see. I can clean, I can do laundry, I can iron, even though I never do. But if I had to, like if someone held a gun to my head, I'd do it."

"Sounds good."

"How 'bout cook?"

Connie and Lula both looked at her, and Connie immediately moved her pen over to the "Can't" side.

_"Hey_! Don't write it there. _I can cook_."

"What can you cook?"

She started to say something when Connie cut her off. "And don't say sandwiches and breakfast foods. They don't count."

"_Damn you_. Fine. Put it in the 'Can't' column. Okay, what's the next one?"

"Well, that's easy. Morelli wants a family. So you've gotta like kids."

Stephanie gave them both looks and tapped the paper on the side of the "Can" column. "Of course I like kids. I _love_ kids. Especially babies. They're so little, and they don't talk."

Lula shook her head at Connie, and Connie began writing in the "Can't" column.

"_What_?!" Stephanie stood there, mouth open, her temper building. "Why are you writing it there?"

"Because you don't know anything _about_ kids."

"I know plenty about the little monsters. Scribble that out, and write it on the other side."

"Monsters, huh?"

She narrowed her eyes at them. "It's a cute term of endearment."

"Okay, fine. If you can answer this question, I'll scratch it out and write it in the other column."

"Fire away."

Connie thought for a moment, and then she smiled. "Your question is ... what is the average age that a baby learns to walk?"

"Shit. That's not a fair question."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't remember that far back." Then Stephanie raised an eyebrow. "_Oh I get it_. It's a trick question." She smiled knowingly and tapped the "Can" column again. "Put it right there. The answer is, babies_ can't_ walk."

Lula shook her head at her like she was an idiot, and Connie said, "That's just sad, Steph."

"_What_?! Babies can't walk. I've _never_ seen a baby walk. They just cry and poop in their diapers and ride around in strollers all day."

"Oh, yeah, she loves babies, alright," Lula said sarcastically.

"Fine. Put it in the 'Can't' column. I don't care. I'll just borrow Valerie's kids for a day and prove it to both of you."

"Oh God," Connie said. Then she looked at Lula. "You think we should warn Valerie beforehand?"

"You two suck!" Stephanie yelled out, and immediately she heard the bitchy sound of Joyce Barnhardt's voice.

"Not as much as you," she said.

Stephanie whirled around and stared her down. "What do _you_ want?"

"I'm here to see Vinnie. As if it's any of your business."

"Maybe Vinnie doesn't want to see you. And your fat ass."

"_You're a nice person_," Connie murmured. "Remember? Number four?"

Stephanie rolled her eyes at Connie and yelled, "Put an asterisk beside it. I'm nice to everyone _except Joyce_. And Dickie." She thought for a second. "And the new guy at Giovichinni's Deli. He's an ass. Oh, and you might as well add the guy who tried to scam me last week when I got my oil changed. He's a pig."

"You are so pathetic. No wonder Morelli finally wised up and dumped your ass."

Stephanie narrowed her eyes and got in Joyce's face. "Don't you dare say his name! Don't you dare even_ think_ about him."

"And what are you gonna do about it?" Joyce smirked at Stephanie and tossed her hair over her shoulder. "Exactly. There's not a damn thing you can do to stop me. In fact, maybe when I leave here, I'll go find him and ask him out."

"Maybe if you know what's good for you, you won't."

"But maybe I will anyway."

"And maybe I'll shoot you if you do."

"Hah! You don't have the nerve."

"Hah yourself!" Stephanie reached down and pulled her gun from her purse. "Don't tempt me," she said.

"So you've got a gun. Big deal. I've got one, too. And mine's bigger." Joyce pulled hers out and waved it around.

"You two are fucked up," Lula yelled. "Put those damn guns away before I end up getting shot on account of you're both crazy."

"Oh relax, Lula," Stephanie said. "Mine's not even loaded." She twirled it around her finger, and Joyce started laughing.

"God, you really are a loser," she said.

"Shut the hell up, whore."

"Make me. Bitch."

Stephanie twirled the gun again and started to say something when the damn thing fired. She jumped back about a foot and heard someone screaming. At first she thought it was her, and then she realized it was Joyce.

"You just shot me! You stupid bitch! You shot my foot!"

"Oh shit!" Stephanie yelled, along with Connie and Lula. "_Shit_! Shit, shit, shit!"

Connie ran to the bathroom and grabbed the paper towels, and Stephanie reached for her phone, hitting speed dial.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up. Oh thank God. Eddie, I need another favor."

"Shoot."

"Don't say that!" she yelled. "Listen, can you have an ambulance sent over to Vinnie's?"

"Yeah, is something wrong? Why didn't you call 911?"

"Just do it. Hurry!"

"Okay, hang on. _Don't hang up_." Eddie put her on hold, and Stephanie turned to watch as Lula and Connie were attending to Joyce. Vinnie had emerged from his office, but immediately ran back as soon as he saw what all the commotion was about.

"Steph? You there?"

"Uh-huh."

"Okay, an ambulance is on the way. What's going on? Are you hurt?"

"No, no. Not me." Stephanie paused for a second before she spoke. "Um, Eddie, hypothetically speaking, let's say I accidentally shot someone in the foot. Do you, the police, need to know about it or is calling an ambulance enough?"

"Uh, we, meaning the police, kind of like to know those things."

"Oh. Okay." Stephanie paused again and heard Eddie groan. "Uh Eddie?"

"Don't say it, Steph. Please don't say it."

"Um, I accidentally shot someone in the foot."

"Shit, Stephanie!"

"I know, I know. But it was an accident. I swear. I have witnesses. Maybe you could send Big Dog and Carl, and ask them to keep it a secret?"

"Hmm, hang on a second. Let me pass them a note when the Chief isn't looking and see what they say?" She could picture him rolling his eyes at her, and that made her mad. "What the hell are you thinking, Steph?"

"Geez, Eddie. You don't have to get all pissy."

"Pissy?! You call me up, telling me something like this. I think pissy is mild. Who the hell did you shoot?"

"Joyce."

He groaned again. "Ah fuck. I'm on my way over."

"Eddie?"

"What?!"

"Don't tell Morelli."

"That's the least of your worries right now, Steph, and you know it. There's no way in hell Joyce isn't going to press charges against you."

"Yeah, I kind of thought about that. Should I just go ahead and finish her off?"

"Stephanie!"

"I know, I know. It's just that I'm not thinking straight." Eddie warned her to stay put, and she disconnected the phone, glancing over at Connie and Lula. "I am so fucked."

"You are so going to jail," Joyce yelled.

She collapsed on the sofa and covered her eyes with her hands. "I don't think a good wife would shoot people. Especially if you're a wife of a cop."

She said a silent prayer that she wouldn't have to face Morelli, but it didn't do her much good. As soon as the EMTs walked past her, she spotted him. Heading right in her direction. And he didn't look happy.


	3. Chapter 3

Instead of coming over to her, Morelli veered off and walked over to Joyce. They'd been told to move back, and unfortunately Stephanie was too far away to hear anything.

"You're in big trouble," Lula said. "Waving that gun around like that."

"Be quiet," Stephanie whispered, still trying to hear.

"Yeah, I'd be freaking out, too. You know she's over there telling him you threatened to shoot her because of him."

"_Oh shit_. I forgot about that." Stephanie started feeling light-headed, and for a moment she thought she might pass out.

"Why you turn him down anyway?" Lula asked. "It just don't make sense."

Connie handed Stephanie her bottled water, and she took a huge gulp. She wished that Lula would just shut up and leave her alone, but that seemed to be like asking for the impossible.

"A fine ass. A big dick. What more you want in a man?" Lula shook her head at her, waiting for an answer.

"How do _you_ know he has a big ..." Stephanie paused for a moment, "you-know-what?"

"Remember when I babysat him that time when his leg was broke? Remember? I told you about it. He fell asleep on the couch, and I peeked."

Stephanie held up her hand to stop her. "Not here. Not now. Don't do this to me."

Connie started laughing. "Can you blame her? I would've done more than peeked, though. I would've touched it."

Stephanie was drinking more water, and she started to choke. She turned her eyes to Lula and stared for a second, her mouth wide open. "_Did you touch it_?"

"_No_, I didn't touch it. Geez."

But she caught Lula grinning at Connie and giving her a nod. "You _did_ touch it, _didn't you_?! Omigod!"

"Touch what?" Stephanie heard Morelli asking, and she immediately froze.

She slowly turned to face him and offered a forced smile. "Nothing related to all of this," she said, waving her hand in Joyce's direction.

"Good." He took in a deep breath and grabbed onto her elbow. "I need to talk to you. About _all of this_." He mimicked her hand waving, and Stephanie stared at Connie and Lula helplessly.

"Don't you want to talk to them, too?" she asked nervously.

"_After_ I talk to you."

He kept his hand on her elbow and led her into Vinnie's office. "Out," he told Vinnie, and Vinnie didn't say a word. He snatched up some papers and ran, slamming the door behind him.

Morelli sat down on the edge of Vinnie's desk and stared at her. Unreadable cop face firmly in place.

"I swear, Joe, I honestly thought it wasn't loaded. I can't even remember loading it. You know I wouldn't have shot her on purpose. I mean, I hate her, and I've always wanted _someone_ to shoot her, but I didn't want that someone to be me. Preferably someone with a better aim. Someone who'd ..."

"I get it, Stephanie. Stop talking."

"Are you going to ..." She stopped and swallowed. "Arrest me now?"

He let out a sigh and shook his head. "She's not pressing charges."

"_She's what_?"

"She's agreed not to press charges." His face was still hard and emotionless.

"Did she decide that on her own or did you help persuade her?" she asked, barely above a whisper.

"What do you think?" he said sarcastically. "If Joyce had her way, you'd never see the light of day again."

"Thank you." She kept her face down, afraid to look at him.

"So are you going to make it a habit of shooting women who want to ask me out?"

She chewed on her bottom lip and continued to stare at Vinnie's dirty floor. "No." She shook her head slowly. "I won't shoot them." She'd do other things, but Morelli didn't need to know that.

"As if I'd go out with Joyce anyway. What on earth were you thinking, Steph?"

"She just ... she's such a ... she just pissed me off."

"Well you better get your temper under control. As much fun as this is for me, I may not always be around to save you." He let out another sigh and rubbed his fingertips over his forehead. "We're still going to need a written statement from you. And Connie and Lula."

He caught the look on her face, and he nodded his head. "Yes, you have to include the part about me. And all three of your stories better match, otherwise you _will_ be arrested."

Stephanie nodded her head in understanding and gave him another smile. "I really do appreciate it, Joe. Thank you ..."

"Don't." He held his hands out to stop her and stood from the desk.

If only he'd softened his gaze or called her Cupcake or given her some kind of indication that he was still interested, then Stephanie might have found the courage to tell him she'd been wrong. That she wanted to marry him more than anything in the world. But he hadn't given her any sign that he still cared about her, that he still loved her, so she stayed silent instead.

She let out a soft sigh and forced herself to keep the tears inside. They both stood there in awkward silence, and finally she asked, "How's Bob?"

"Bob's ... Bob."

She nodded her head and smiled. "I miss him."

He started to say something, and then he stopped. "Well, I need to ..." He hesitated for another moment and then raised an eyebrow. "You seem to have ... uh ..."

"Huh?"

He shook his head, a confused look on his face, and then he held up his hand. "Never mind. I don't want to know."

He turned to leave Vinnie's office, and there was no way Stephanie could hide her smile. It wasn't a lost cause after all. His gaze had been quick, but she'd followed it. He'd been staring at her breasts.

She quickly pulled out the other insert and tossed it onto Vinnie's desk. It was just a matter of time, and his hands and mouth would be back on her breasts instead of just his eyes. Joe Morelli's days as a single man were numbered.

* * *

Lula and Stephanie rounded up a few FTAs the next day, and then took their earnings, along with Connie, and went out to eat. Not that Stephanie wanted to, but both Connie and Lula agreed she owed them, and she was too tired to argue.

They'd just placed their drink order when Connie reached into her purse and pulled out the list. "This was sitting on my desk yesterday. I hope Morelli didn't see it."

Stephanie snatched it out of her hand and looked it over, breathing a sigh of relief. "There's nothing on here that says my name. If he saw it, he wouldn't know it was for me. It could easily be for you or Lula."

"Nuh-uh, not me," Lula said. "I'd have a _huge_ checkmark beside 'give a mean blow job.' That little tiny one there. That gives it away that it's for you."

Stephanie narrowed her eyes and scooted back so the waiter could place her drink in front of her. "That is so rude, Lula. Never once has Morelli complained about my ... oral skills."

"That's probably because getting something is better than getting nothing." Lula tipped her head back and then immediately slammed her glass down on the table. "Damn, that feels good going down." Then she looked over at Stephanie and started laughing. "Betcha Morelli don't ever hear you saying that after ..."

"Lula!" Stephanie's mouth fell open, and she looked over at Connie.

Connie took a huge sip of her margarita and laughed. "Loosen up, Steph. Have a few drinks. Maybe you'll get lucky tonight."

Stephanie exhaled loud and hard and gave Connie the dirtiest look possible.

"Whoa, calm down there. I was just joking. What I meant to say is maybe Morelli will walk in, sweep you off your feet, and fuck your brains out tonight."

"Thank you," Stephanie said with a slight tip of her head. "That's more like it." She casually sipped her drink and opened her menu. "Hmm." She started flipping the pages until she reached the inside of the back cover. "_Oh God_. Look at these desserts. I _have_ to get one of these." She began reading the descriptions, and before she realized what she was doing, she was bouncing up and down in her chair and pointing at them again. "Omigod! They have a sampler platter. I am _so_ ordering this." She started looking around for the waiter, straining her neck, nearly falling out of her seat.

"Damn, girl. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"You know good and well what's wrong with me, Lula! I'm not getting any, so I have to eat sweets. Lots and Lots of sweets!" Stephanie yelled.

"Are you ladies ready to order?"

Stephanie sat perfectly still in her seat, refusing to turn and look at their waiter, her face as red as Lula's top. "I'll have the sampler dessert platter, please."

"Can I interest you in an appetizer or an entrée this evening?"

Connie and Lula started laughing, but Stephanie continued to stare down at her menu. "That is my appetizer."

"I see. And for your entrée?"

"The fajitas. With steak. Extra sour cream and quacamole. Lots of it." Stephanie handed him the menu, still keeping her head down.

Lula and Connie gave him their order, and they sat in silence for a moment. "I don't wanna hurt your feelings, Steph, but you got problems."

"I know that, Lula. But thank you for pointing it out." Stephanie took an even bigger sip of her margarita and looked around the restaurant. If she spotted Morelli there with another woman, she didn't know what she'd do. But she was sure of two things. It wouldn't be good. Or legal.

"I was thinking that you might wanna change that list of yours," Lula said, snatching up a tortilla chip and scooping up an enormous amount of salsa.

"Why is that? I think it's pretty good so far."

"Yeah, _if_ you're planning on marrying Morelli. But after the way he acted yesterday, I'd say you can kiss that thought goodbye."

"That's what you think," Stephanie told her. "He still wants me. He's just feeling a little hurt right now, but I'll get him back."

"Well, I think you might oughta consider giving Ranger another shot. You got a better chance of landing him. He'd probably just want you to dress up all in black and give him a lap dance. He might not even like getting blow jobs. That'd make it even easier for you."

Stephanie narrowed her eyes at Lula and grabbed a chip. "I don't want Ranger. And besides, he isn't the marrying type."

"_Exactly_. That's why you got a better shot at him than Morelli. Get it? _Huh_? Damn, she's slow." Lula shook her head at Connie, and Connie nodded.

"It's not her fault," Connie added sympathetically. "I think she's going to be like this until she wins back Morelli."

"And what if you don't? You given any thought to that?"

Stephanie looked at her like she was crazy. "Lula, I'm going to do whatever it takes to get him. _Nothing_ is going to stop me." She took another chip and chomped down. "And if necessary, you two are going to help me." She picked up the piece of paper in front of her and waved it around. "That's why I started this." She ate another chip and gulped down more of her drink. "And tomorrow, we're going to work on it some more."

The waiter sat her dessert platter in front of her, and Stephanie caught herself starting to drool. "Oh God. If I die tonight, at least I'll die happy." She picked up her fork and dug in. "Mmmm," she said on a sigh, "this is heaven."

Lula and Connie finished their appetizers before she did, but she didn't offer them any of her desserts. They could order their own as far as she was concerned. She ate the last bite and then scraped up what was left with the side of her fork. She ate that and then wet her fingertip and collected the last of the crumbs that she had missed. She set her fork down, rested her back against her chair, and sighed contentedly.

"Okay then," Connie said, raising her eyebrows. "I take it you enjoyed that."

"_Oh yeah_." Stephanie smiled, all nice and relaxed, and picked up her margarita. "Now I'm going to enjoy_ this_."

The waiter came for their plates, and Stephanie held her glass out in his direction. "Could you bring me a pitcher?"

"Absolutely," he said, trying to hide a smile.

Stephanie leaned forward and picked up the list. "Let me look at this again." She twirled one of her curls around her finger. "I mean it. Starting tomorrow, I have to get serious and finish this." She took another sip of her drink, trying to fight off the depressed feeling that was building. "I don't know how much time I have until Morelli starts feeling lonely."

"I like how she says that," Lula said. "All proper and ladylike. Using lonely instead of just saying horny."

Stephanie rolled her eyes at Lula and refilled her glass. Lula and Connie started blabbering about something, but Stephanie wasn't listening. Her mind was on Morelli, wishing he was there with her. She wanted him way more than those chocolate desserts. Why on earth had she been so stupid?

She didn't have much recollection of eating her fajitas, but she was aware of the fact that the pitcher in front of her was now empty. She swayed a bit in her seat and grinned. "I'm trying to decide if I ... uh ..."

Connie stared at her, waiting for her to continue. "If you what?"

"Huh?" Stephanie asked her, now trying to decide if Connie was the one moving or if it was her.

"You're trying to decide something," Connie said slowly.

Stephanie frowned for a second, not understanding what Connie meant. "Who is?"

"Oh lawd," Lula exclaimed. "She's drunk. Now she's gonna start acting all goofy."

Stephanie let out a small hiccup and covered her mouth. "Oops," she giggled. "I hiccuped. Or did I burp?" She sat there giggling some more and then decided she needed to use the restroom. In her mind she was polite and said just that, but in reality she yelled out, "I gotta pee."

She turned to the side to stand and bumped into a man who had just approached their table. "Ooh," she said, falling back into her chair. "Where'd you come from?"

The man smiled and bent down to her level. "I saw you from across the room and just had to come over."

"Do I know you?" Stephanie asked, squinting her eyes at him, trying to bring his face into focus.

"I don't believe so. I would certainly remember meeting someone as beautiful as you."

"Hah," Lula snorted, and Stephanie noticed that Connie was laughing.

"Hey, what's so ppphunny?" Stephanie asked.

"It's just we've heard better pick-up lines," Connie explained, giving the man kneeling at their table a "_get lost_" look.

Stephanie turned to look at him and almost bumped into his head. "Oh, hey there. You're kinda close," she slurred. She leaned back a bit and looked at him. "Are you trying to pick me up?"

The man grinned sheepishly and extended his hand. "I'm Roger. Roger Whitaker."

Stephanie nodded politely at him and smiled. She stared down at his hand and said, "Oh." She started to shake it, when instead he brought it to his mouth and gave it a kiss.

Stephanie stared over at Connie and bit down on her bottom lip. "I don't think a good wife would let strange men kiss her hand."

"You're married?" Roger immediately asked. "I'm sorry." He paused for a moment and then pointed. "You're not wearing a ring."

"No, I'm not married," Stephanie explained. "But I wanna be." She smiled and hiccuped again. "And I'm trying to make a list ..." Her voice trailed off, and she let out a sigh. She looked at Connie and then back at Roger. "Are your legs tired yet? You've been down there for a while now."

Roger placed his hand on Stephanie's thigh and used it to maintain his balance while he stood. "Sorry. I was just so taken by your beauty and charm, I forgot where I was."

"Hah!" Lula snorted again. "You gotta give him points for trying."

"Trying what?" Stephanie asked, turning her head from Lula to Roger. "The desserts? Omigod, they're to die-for. You should try them." She leaned forward and almost fall onto the table.

"How about you join me, and I'll order us a few?" He held his hand out for her, and Stephanie stared down at it. She was about to take it, when Connie gave her a hard kick.

"Ow!" Stephanie yelled. "Who kicked me?"

She sat there rubbing her shin, as Connie turned her attention to Roger. "Good try, buddy," she said. "But as you can see, she's had a bit much to drink, and there's no way we're letting her go anywhere with you."

"Damn skippy," Lula told him. "You need to move on outta here, cuz you ain't gettin' none."

Stephanie sat there smiling, her head in a fog, and she slowly shifted her eyes around the restaurant. There was a nice old lady with a little old man sitting with her. _Was that my Grandma Mazur_? she wondered. She squinted again but couldn't be sure.

"Connie," she said loudly, pointing at the elderly couple. "Is that my Grandma?"

Connie glanced briefly and shook her head. "No, Steph. It's not."

"Okay." Stephanie stared some more and imagined they were there celebrating an anniversary. Maybe a 25th or even a 50th. For a second she thought that would be really cool, but then it made her sad. She wanted to celebrate an anniversary with Morelli. She stared some more and decided they were probably just friends. Or maybe brother and sister.

She picked up Connie's margarita while her and Lula were arguing with Roger and finished it for her. She looked around some more and spotted a young couple with a little baby sitting not far from their table. She let out a sigh and wished she had a baby. With Morelli. Then they could bring it there and look just like that family. She felt a pang of jealousy and frowned at the mother. She didn't like her or her baby.

She frowned again, realizing that that wasn't a very nice thing to think. She quickly asked God for forgiveness, deciding to turn her attention to other people before she had more bad thoughts. She looked up and realized that Roger was talking to her.

"Huh?" Stephanie asked him. "Did you say something to me?"

"I was asking you if you agree with what your friends here are saying, or if you'd like to think for yourself and have a drink with me?" He lifted her hand again and rubbed the top of it with his thumb.

"Umm," Stephanie said, looking around the restaurant once again. Her head was spinning, and she was so tired. What was it he was asking her to do? Her gaze settled on a man in a suit who was staring at her. Stephanie stared back at him and realized he was actually giving her a dirty look. He looked familiar, but she couldn't place him. Probably because she was drunk. Or maybe she was tipsy. Except she was seeing double, so she was pretty sure that meant she was drunk.

She squinted her eyes at him, wondering why he didn't like her. _Everybody likes me_, Stephanie thought. She was a nice person. She was fun. She was drunk. Maybe that was why he didn't like her. Or maybe it was somebody else he didn't like. She turned around and looked behind her, but there wasn't anyone there. That left just little 'ol her as the recipient of his frown. She narrowed her eyes at him and made a face, then turned her attention back to her own table.

"Umm ..." Stephanie repeated, "who wants to go dancing? I like dancing." She stood up and started to take a step, but instead she fell. Right into Roger's arms. He held on to her a little too tightly, and she put her hand on his shoulder, trying to clear her head and steady herself. "Or maybe not. Maybe I should just try walking." She started giggling and couldn't stop.

Rude man that had just been frowning at her pulled the chair out for the woman that was sitting with him, and Stephanie watched as they exited the restaurant. _Good riddance_, she thought. Even though he was kind of cute. He sort of reminded her of Morelli, and for a moment Stephanie panicked. Was she so drunk that she didn't recognize Morelli? She closed her eyes and thought about it. No, rude man wasn't nearly as hot as Joe. And because he was rude, that made him ugly. And Morelli could _never_ be ugly, so it definitely wasn't him. But he sure looked like somebody she knew.

Roger had loosened his grip, so Stephanie turned around slowly and grabbed onto her seat, sitting down carefully. Connie's voice brought her back to reality. "Look, Roger, this is getting ridiculous. You need to leave. She's not interested, so get lost. Or else I'll get someone here that will make you."

"Hey," Roger said, holding up his hands in a "_don't shoot_" gesture, "let's not make a scene. I'm going." He gave Stephanie a wink and kissed her hand. "Maybe some other time, beautiful."

"Um ... I don't think so," she called out. "I'm getting married. One day." She sat there for a moment, staring at Connie. "I don't wanna make a list about Ranger. I wanna marry Morelli." Her bottom lip poked out, and she suddenly felt sad and depressed. "I need another marrita."

"You need a burrito?" Lula yelled.

"No," Stephanie slurred. "I need a marrita." She picked up her glass and shoved it in Lula's face. "One of these. And I gotta go pee."

"You gotta go home, girl," Lula said.

Connie motioned for the waiter and asked for their check. "You can pay me back tomorrow, Steph."

"I can't drive my car," Stephanie groaned. She stood slowly and tried to walk straight, but even she was pretty certain that she was swaying back and forth.

They stood in the parking lot as Lula and Connie argued about who was taking Stephanie home. "I ain't letting her in my car. She may throw up in it, and I just had it detailed. Nuh-uh. No way."

Connie argued some more and finally relented. "Fine, but you owe me."

Lula helped Stephanie buckle up and then waved goodbye. "Bye-bye Lula," she called out. "See you tomorrow!" She rested her head against the window, enjoying the cool feeling of the glass. "This feels good," she said, as a line of drool dribbled down the window. "Oops." She used her sleeve to wipe it off, but then it made a huge circular streak. "Uh-oh. I made a mess on your window."

"It's okay," Connie said. "Just leave it alone."

Connie helped her up to her apartment and then turned on the coffee maker. "You need to sober up, Steph. We shouldn't have let you drink so much."

Stephanie plopped down on her couch and pulled the list out of her pocket. "I'm sober," she said with a heavy tongue. "I'm just really tired."

"Stephanie, I didn't want to say anything while we were at the restaurant, but ..." Connie paused and gave her a weary look. "Did you happen to notice who was sitting a few tables away from us?"

Stephanie sat there and thought about it. "I saw some old people. And some young people with a baby. I didn't like them too much." She tucked her legs up under her and took the coffee cup from Connie's hand. "I'm so sleepy." Her eyelids drooped, and she had to fight to keep them up.

"Anybody else, Steph?"

She tried to think, but it seemed to make her head hurt. "Umm, there was that guy who kissed my hand a lot."

"Yeah. And there was someone else who kept seeing him kiss your hand a lot."

She took a sip and tried to steady herself enough to put the coffee cup on the table beside her.

Connie picked it up and handed it back to her. "No, you need to drink this. And before I leave, I want you to take some aspirin or whatever you have."

"Okay," Stephanie said, too tired to argue. "I want Morelli back," she told Connie between sniffles.

"I know you do, Steph." Connie went into the bathroom and came back with a couple of pills. "Take these before you pass out."

Stephanie did as she said and quickly handed Connie the coffee cup before her head hit the couch.

She woke up a few hours later, and her head was spinning. Her mouth felt fuzzy, and she was completely disoriented. She pulled herself up and made her way into the bathroom. She held onto the counter for support while she managed to brush her teeth. She shuffled into the bedroom and grabbed the first t-shirt she found hanging in her closet. She slipped out of her clothes, threw on the shirt, then collapsed onto her bed, pulling the covers up around her.

As she drifted off to sleep, she started seeing flashes of everything that had happened to her over the last couple of days. She closed her eyes and saw Joyce yelling at her and the baby that was sitting in the highchair. She saw kissy-hand man smiling down at her, and rude man frowning at her.

Her eyes shot open, and she sat upright in the bed. The quick movement jarred her neck, and her head started to pound. "Fuck," she whispered. "Double fuck."

Why hadn't she recognized rude man at the restaurant? What was wrong with her? It must've been the suit. She wasn't used to seeing him dressed like that. And all of that alcohol she had consumed couldn't have helped either. She covered the side of her face with her hand and shook her head. It hurt to do that, which made her say "fuck" yet again.

Rude man had a name. And unfortunately for her, it was Tony Morelli.


	4. Chapter 4

The sound of someone pounding on her head woke Stephanie the next morning. She turned over, groaned, and stared at the clock. She looked around the room to see who it was that had been hitting her, but no one was there.

"Damn," she muttered, closing her eyes, until the pounding forced her to open them once again. It took her a few seconds, but then she finally realized that someone was actually at her front door. She fumbled for her robe, but it was nowhere in sight. She stared down at her oversized t-shirt and shrugged her shoulders. It'd have to do. After all, whoever was banging on her door at this ungodly hour deserved to be frightened by her appearance. She shuffled out to the living room and flung her door open, coming face to face with Morelli.

"I went by Vinnie's, but you weren't there. You didn't sign your statement." His face was hard, his eyes unsmiling.

"Oh. Sorry." She stood there a moment, wondering how bad she actually did look, and then she pushed the door open further, inviting him inside. "I was just about to start some coffee. You want a cup?"

"Just your signature." He shoved the paper into her hand and walked past her.

She shut the door, turning around to catch him scanning her living room, most likely looking for signs of company. Obviously he'd spoken with Tony.

She patted her hands over her hair and smiled nervously. "Just let me find a pen." Immediately one was shoved in her hand.

"You must be in a hurry," she said with a laugh, but Morelli didn't smile. Instead he sighed and raised an eyebrow at her.

"_What_?"

"Late night?" His gaze settled on her hair and then eventually down to her shaking hand.

She let out a slight laugh and tightened her grip on the pen. "Connie and Lula always have been a bad influence."

"Mmm-hmm."

She laughed again, although there wasn't anything funny about the situation. "I didn't mean to drink so much. But you know how it is when just us girls go out. A lot of laughs, too much alcohol." She stared down at her feet. "Just me and the girls. Girls Night Out. Just Connie and Lula and me ..." Her voice trailed off, and she knew she sounded like an idiot, but she didn't care. She had to make certain he knew she hadn't spent the night with another man.

But "uh-huh" was all he said in response.

She blew a puff of air out of the side of her mouth and plopped down on the couch. She bent over the coffee table to sign the statement and realized she no longer had the pen. She turned from side to side, checking the cushions, beneath the table, and all along the carpet. She looked up at Morelli and gave him a nervous smile that said _oops, I'm an idiot_. "Um, I seem to have lost your pen."

He let out a loud, exasperated sigh and reached into his pocket. "Ah, hell," he muttered underneath his breath. He turned on his heels and walked out of the apartment, leaving her to wonder what had just happened.

She rested her head in the palms of her hands and practiced breathing in and out. There was so much she wanted to say, but she couldn't find the words. All she was sure of was how much of an idiot she looked like. If he would just give her a sign that he still cared, that she still had a chance, then maybe she could find the courage to open up to him. Tell him how much she loved him and how wrong she had been. No, she _would _find the courage. No doubt about that. It was something that she _had_ to do.

A few minutes later she heard her apartment door open and heard Morelli's footsteps coming towards her. "Here," he said, shoving a bag with tell-tale signs of grease on the bottom into her hand. "I meant to bring this up." He sat a large Coke down on the coffee table, then reached into his pocket for another pen.

She bit down on her bottom lip and stared down at the bag, inhaling the scent of French fries, and before she knew what was happening, she was crying.

"Why on earth are you crying?" His tone was gruff, but when she stared up at him, his eyes were soft, and she knew the look on his face. He still cared.

"It's just ..." She sniffled and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "You remembered." She let out a sob and then stared into his eyes. "You still care about me, don't you?"

"I've never stopped caring, Stephanie. But that doesn't mean ..."

"Don't say it," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "Please don't say it."

He rubbed his hand over his mouth and sat down beside her. "Stephanie, what's going on here?"

She turned to stare at him, but she couldn't stand it. Being so close to him, knowing that she'd possibly blown her only chance at happiness. She wanted him badly, but she was afraid. She just knew he was finished with her. He had moved on, and she had finally realized a little too late what it was she wanted out of life.

"Nothing," she stammered. "Nothing's going on here." She stood from the couch and folded her arms across her chest, walking toward the kitchen.

Moments later Morelli was beside her, staring at her, waiting for her to speak.

"Joe, you say you care about me, and I appreciate that. I really do. But ..." She paused for a moment and stared into his eyes, hoping to find whatever it was she desperately needed to see. "But I want ..." She swallowed hard and tried to find the words. "I want ..." But no matter what, the words wouldn't come to her.

"What is it that you want, Stephanie? Huh?" He backed her into the wall and pinned her in, but it wasn't a threatening or menacing gesture. Morelli wanted answers, and it was finally time to give them to him.

She leaned closer, whispering softly. "I want you, Joe."

His eyes were dark, and his mouth was mere inches from hers.

"I ... it's ... you." She bit down on the inside of her bottom lip and let out a sigh. "You're what I want."

His hand reached out to touch her cheek, and Stephanie immediately turned to meet his touch, planting a soft kiss on one of his fingers. She licked her lips and smiled, staring deeply into his eyes.

He seemed puzzled for a moment, but then his eyes narrowed, and his face was once again emotionless. "_Now_?"

Stephanie started to say something, but he interrupted. "What about your hangover?" He raised an eyebrow, and she caught what she thought was disgust in his voice.

"I didn't mean ..." She placed her hands against his chest, moving them ever so slightly, enjoying the feel of hard muscle beneath them. Whatever she'd intended to say had left her, and her mind was only on him. Touching him. Being with him. Having everything as it had been before.

He laughed and shook his head. "You never know what you mean, do you?"

The sound of his voice brought her back to reality, and she stared up at him. "_Yes_,_ I do_." She reached out and touched his cheek, but he still didn't soften. "You're what I want Joe. And _now_ is fine. My head doesn't hurt _that_ bad." She smiled at him and lowered her eyelids, wanting him to touch her. With his lips. His hands. She wanted every part of his body against her. She loved him so much and wanted the chance to show him that.

He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her into him. "Alright then. Fifteen minutes good enough for you?" He pressed his mouth against hers, and Stephanie felt the heat pouring off of him, making her feel as if she were on fire.

"Joe, I ... we don't have to do this now. Maybe when you get off work ..."

"Tonight's not good for me." His tongue traced a path along her bottom lip, and he continued on, nipping at her earlobe.

"Oh." She hoped he would explain why, but he didn't. His hands tugged at the bottom of her shirt, and she put her hand firmly against his chest. "Then tomorrow maybe?"

He pulled back from her and shook his head. "Sure. We'll try to get together some time tomorrow."

She stared into his eyes, trying to read him, but she couldn't. She should've been happy, but something was wrong. She'd told him that she wanted him, but it hadn't made a difference. She had to fix this. "_No_," she said. "No. Now is fine." She reached out and undid a button on his shirt. "I just ... I mean ... is this what you want, too?"

He finished unbuttoning his shirt and stared down at his watch. "We're down to twelve minutes, Steph. You want to do this or you want to talk?"

"It's just that ..."

He checked his watch again. "Make that eleven."

She took his hand and started towards her bedroom, but he pulled away and headed into the kitchen. "First things first." He opened the lid to the cookie jar and reached in, pulling out the box of condoms.

She stared at him curiously, her cheeks turning red as soon as she saw what he had in his hand. "I haven't been with anyone else, Joe. And I'm still on the pill."

"Can never be too careful." He looked at his watch and scowled. "Damn. Only nine minutes. But I'm guessing you're okay with a quickie."

They made their way into her bedroom, and within minutes they were both naked. She watched as Joe rolled on the condom, and she wondered why he was doing that. But she knew she'd have to talk with him about that later. Right now she didn't want any further distractions. She wanted to love him, to be with him. She wanted that ring on her finger and a definite date for when she would become Mrs. Joseph Morelli.

Afterwards they lay still beside one another, breathing hard, enjoying the pleasure they had been able to give each other. Stephanie turned onto her side and smiled up at him, but he was still so distant, as if he weren't even there with her. She reached up and gently pushed his hair from his forehead and kissed him softly on the side of his neck.

"Steph?"

"Hmm?" She loved the sound of his voice, and she found herself wishing he didn't have to leave so soon.

"I need to make sure before I go ..." He reached out and caught her wrist, preventing her from moving her caresses below his waist. He looked at her impatiently, obviously annoyed that her stroking had interrupted him.

"I'm sorry. I'm listening." She smiled and reached again to touch him. "It's just that I can't keep my hands off of you. I've missed you so much."

He disentangled himself from her and rolled over. "I need to make sure before I leave ..." He reached for his shirt and shrugged into it.

Stephanie stared at him, knowing what he was going to say. He needed to make sure this was what she wanted. That she was sure this time. That they'd get together for a romantic dinner as soon as he was available, and he'd offer her the ring once again. She stared at him dreamily and smiled. "Make sure of what?" she asked sweetly.

"Hold that thought," he said, snatching his underwear up from the floor and walking into the bathroom. He shut the door, and she heard the sound of water running. A few minutes later he was back in the room, looking for his jeans. He pulled them up and snapped the button, a zipping sound immediately following. "I need to make sure you signed that statement?" he asked, running his hand through his hair.

She continued watching him for a moment and then his words hit her. "_Statement_?"

"You know. The reason I dropped by."

"Oh, um, I think so. I'll walk out with you and make sure." She reached for her t-shirt and tossed it over her head. It was inside out, but she didn't care. She followed behind him and picked up the paper. "No, I didn't." She grabbed a pen and forced herself to write. "Uh, Joe ... I was just going to ask ... to make sure ..."

"What?" he asked impatiently, tucking his shirt into his jeans. "Just say it, Steph. I'm already late."

She stood there, afraid to speak, but she had to find the words. "Um, your proposal? I mean, you know ... a few weeks ago, you-you gave me a ring. I just wanted to make certain ..." She stopped and stared at him, wanting so much to ask the question but so afraid of his answer. They'd just made love, but he was so distant, so cold.

His brows furrowed, and he waved his hand dismissively. "Oh, of course. I should've known you'd be worried about that."

"No, I'm not worried. I was just wondering ..." She stood there, trying to decide if _she_ should propose to _him_. Maybe he would like that. They always did have their own way of doing things. But then he leaned over and gave him a kiss on the head.

"No worries, Cupcake. Thanks to you, we have a new arrangement now. I think this is going to work out much better for both of us."

She stood there, letting his words sink in. "_A new arrangement_?"

"I've got to go. I'm already fifteen minutes late for the morning meeting. I'll call you some time."

He shut the door, and she stood there motionless. What in the hell had just happened? She sat down on the couch and tried to make sense of everything.

She'd gone from Morelli's girlfriend to his possible fiancée to his _what_? If she had to classify what had just happened, what name would she give it? She sat there a moment, taking everything in, and almost immediately, she froze. There was no way around the truth, and she sat there in total disbelief. Like it or not their relationship had a new classification, and she realized she'd dug herself into an even bigger mess.

She groaned loudly and thunked her head against the back of the couch. _New arrangement thanks to her_. She laughed a bitter laugh and shook her head. She wasn't Morelli's girlfriend. And she was lightyears away from being his fiancée. Yeah, she had a new title alright, but it wasn't one that she particularly wanted.

She was now Morelli's whore. And he thought that was what she wanted.

But even worse, that was obviously what _he_ wanted.

She let out a sigh and closed her eyes. How did she always manage to screw things up? And what on earth was she going to do to fix this?

* * *

Joe shut the door behind him and moved towards the elevator, allowing himself a few seconds of quiet before he pressed the button. He'd been so certain that another man was going to be there. From Tony's account, Steph had practically thrown herself at the asshole.

But obviously Steph hadn't wanted the asshole. She'd wanted him. He'd been trying his best to hide his emotion, to hold in his excitement. He'd just known she was finally ready to say the words he'd been dreaming of hearing. But instead the joke had been on him.

He thought for certain after she'd said she wanted him, that she was going to tell him how much she loved him. But she'd licked her lips and eyed him hungrily. After the way Tony said she'd devoured those desserts, he knew she was wanting. He should've been flattered that no other man aside from him would do, but dammit, he wanted her heart, not just her body. He knew it was wrong, but for now, he'd take what he could get, just to make certain she was satisfied and not seeking any other man's attention.

He'd told himself he was going to see other women, but it didn't take long after that fateful afternoon for him to realize that that was going to be impossible. No other woman appealed to him. He wanted Stephanie Plum. He'd wanted her for as long as he could remember. He'd tried to fight it for so long, but finally he'd given in and accepted the truth.

Fate had brought her to him all those years ago. He was about to make a run for it, and he'd been interrupted by a knock on his door. She'd chased him, tracked him, and finally captured him. Not just his body, but also his heart. And dammit, he wanted her. Now and forever. He'd put up with so much over the years. Her careless disregard for her own personal safety. Her crappy job. Her suspect relationship with Ranger.

Once again, he'd gotten his hopes up, only to have them dashed. Stephanie wanted him alright. For sexual purposes only.

He cursed himself for being so mean and angry with her, but this was a situation he'd been totally unprepared for.

He strode across the parking lot and settled himself into his car. The thought of using her for sex disgusted him. It'd been a long time since he'd been that person. But this was Stephanie. And if it was the only way he could stay close to her, then so be it. He was going to have to do whatever it took to win her back. To get that ring on her finger once and for all. He let out a sigh and pulled out of the parking lot, wondering how long he should wait until he called her.

What a mess he'd gotten himself into. And what on earth was he going to have to do to fix it?


	5. Chapter 5

Stephanie made her way into the office and immediately plopped herself down on the couch. "Life sucks," she said to Connie and Lula, who were both watching her intently.

"_What_?" she asked them, the frustration in her voice obvious. She wasn't in the mood to be harassed about her hair or her clothes or _anything_ for that matter.

Connie stared at Lula then back at Stephanie. "Uh, Steph, your shirt's on backwards."

Stephanie looked down at herself and frowned. "Who cares?" she said defiantly. "Besides, maybe I like it this way. Maybe I'm going to dress like this every day from now on. Maybe I'll start a new trend." She took a deep breath, puffed her cheeks up with air, and expelled it out slowly. "Point is, it doesn't matter. I've got more serious problems than that." And she did, and that made her even more grumpy.

"Like what? That loser Roger follow you home last night?" Lula continued staring at her, shaking her head.

"_Roger_? Who in the world is Roger?"

"Kissy-hand man," Connie explained.

"Oh. _Him_. No," Stephanie said, waving all thoughts of him away with her hand. "He didn't follow me home."

"So why does life suck?" Lula asked. Then she thought about it and snorted. "I guess that was a pretty stupid question, huh? Your life seems to be sucking a lot lately."

Stephanie narrowed her eyes at Lula and was about to respond, when Connie interrupted. "I bet I know why," she said. "I'm guessing it finally dawned on you who else was at the restaurant last night."

Lula directed her gaze at Connie. "Who else was there last night? I didn't see nobody there that we knew."

"That's because _you_ don't know him. _But Stephanie does_."

Stephanie turned her eyes to Connie, giving her the best _pissed-as-hell_ look that she could muster. "No, _Stephanie doesn't know him_. Well, not really anyway. I don't think I've ever said more than five words to the man." She frowned at Connie and tried to contain some of the anger she was feeling. "Would it have killed you to warn me?"

"_Warned you_? You wouldn't have cared. You were shit-faced."

Stephanie let out a long and loud sigh. "It doesn't matter anyway. The damage has already been done."

"Damage? What kinda damage?" Lula was starting to get really annoyed with their entire conversation. She was also hungry and majorly disappointed that Stephanie hadn't brought doughnuts. "And who was it that was there last night that Connie didn't warn you about but shoulda?"

"Morelli's brother. Tony."

Lula thought for a second, then peeked inside Stephanie's purse. "Oh, yeah, I forgot there were other Morelli men out there." Almost instantly, she lifted her head and stared at Stephanie in horror, waving a bag of mini doughnuts in the air. "You hooked up with Officer Hottie's brother, didn't you?! Damn, girl. Common sense shoulda told you that was a big ass no-no. I didn't know that was something we had to spell out for you and put on your can't-do list."

"_What?! No_! Omigod, Lula!" She grabbed the bag of powdered doughnuts out of Lula's hand and tossed them back into her purse.

Lula stared longingly at the purse for a moment and then shook her head. "Well thank God for that. But with you, I just never know. I mean, we all know how you are sometimes."

"_How I am sometimes_?!" Stephanie repeated. "What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"You know, you're weak. You get all that testosterone flying around you, and you're like a kid in a candy shop. You don't handle yourself all that well." Lula caught the expression on Stephanie's face and took a step backwards. "You know what I mean,_ right_? Huh? Ain't I right, Connie?"

"I'm not saying a word," Connie mumbled. She snapped the cap back on her tube of lipstick and made a popping sound with her lips.

"Well I think I have enough self-control to keep my hands off of Morelli's brother! Especially since he's married! And, _oh yeah_, especially since_ I _want to marry Morelli!" she said sarcastically. She narrowed her eyes at Lula and tried to lower her voice. It hurt her head to scream, and all she could think about was taking more aspirin. Maybe if she was lucky a dozen more might finally do the trick.

"And it's_ Joe _Morelli that I want, just in case you missed that. Not Tony, not Paul, not Mooch, or any of the other ones that are out there. I guess from now on I need to make myself perfectly clear before you start interrogating me or accusing me of sleeping with all of them."

"Hmmph," Lula muttered. "Ain't my fault you're fickle."

"What did you say?" Stephanie asked, but Connie interrupted her.

"So, Steph, what's the big deal? You're no worse off today than you were yesterday. Or the day before that. And remember what you said last night? Today is the day you get serious about your list. And we're going to help you."

"Hmmph," Lula muttered again. "I don't know about that. I mighta been willing to help earlier, but now, I don't know. You got some kind of major attitude going on today. All I did was ask an innocent question ..."

Stephanie shook her head at Connie and rolled her eyes. "Here. Take the damn doughnuts," she said, throwing the package at Lula. "And I'm sorry. _Okay_? Is that better?"

"It's a start," Lula said, tearing open the wrapper.

"Good. Now if we could get serious for a few minutes, then I'll tell you both why life sucks."

Just then Vinnie walked out of his office. "I'll tell you why life sucks. Life sucks because I got three yakking women here in my office, and not a single one of them does a damn bit of work. That's why life sucks."

"Don't have a cow, Vinnie," Stephanie told him. "Or in your case, a duck." She smirked in his direction, enjoying the meanness she was unleashing upon him. "Lula and I are going out in just a bit."

Vinnie frowned at her and threw some files down on Connie's desk. "At least your tits are the same size today. But what's with the shirt?"

"Just go away," she grouched.

"And what if I don't? You gonna shoot me, too?"

"Maybe I will!" Stephanie yelled, reaching for her purse. "It felt really good to shoot Joyce. Wonder how it'll feel to shoot you?!"

Vinnie made a run for his office, and Lula snatched the purse from her hands. "Girl, you better calm yourself down."

Stephanie sat back down on the couch and nodded her head in agreement. "I know. I know." She let out a sigh and then started in, telling them exactly what had happened with Morelli and why she was so miserable. Of course she left out the details of how hot the sex was. Some things weren't meant for sharing, especially Morelli's incredible skill in the bedroom. Even if he had been distant and cold, he still knew exactly what to do and how to do it.

Connie and Lula listened and stayed silent until she was finished.

"That's not so bad, Steph," Connie said as soon as Stephanie stopped to take a breath. "I thought you were going to tell us something really awful."

"_That's not bad_?" Stephanie repeated. "_Of course it's bad_. Morelli only wants me for sex. That's not the sort of relationship every girl dreams of."

"Maybe not," Connie said, "_but_ ... it's still a relationship. And _that's_ what's important to remember here."

"Maybe," Stephanie pondered.

"Well none of that matters right now," Connie said matter-of-factly. "Where's the list? Do you have it? I gave it back to you last night at the restaurant."

Stephanie fumbled around in her purse until she found it. It was crumpled up and wrinkled, and she suddenly had the urge to crumple it some more. "What does it matter?" she said sadly. "Morelli's never going to ask me to marry him again. I have to face it. I screwed up. Big time. It's a lost cause."

"No, you didn't," Connie said, and Stephanie almost felt like she could believe her. Almost, but not quite.

"Unless Morelli suddenly decides to start playing for the same team, it ain't a lost cause yet," Lula added.

Stephanie rolled her eyes and fought back the urge to smack Lula. "I don't see _that_ ever happening, so obviously you _must_ be right." She rolled her eyes and decided to throw the wadded up piece of paper at her instead, hitting her in the head.

Stephanie leaned her head back on the couch and squeezed her eyes shut, fighting the urge to let the tears fall. The room was silent for a few minutes, and Stephanie knew that Connie and Lula were both trying to get the other to say something comforting. But the problem was that there were absolutely no words in the English language that were going to work. She'd screwed up, and she knew it.

But just as Connie was about to speak, an idea popped into Stephanie's head. An idea so incredible, so magnificent, that she wanted to slap herself for not thinking of it before.

"Ohmigod!" she yelled. "I've got it! I know what I need to do to get Morelli to admit he still loves me. God, I'm so stupid." She smacked herself on the forehead and then smiled wide at Connie and Lula.

"_What_?" Connie asked. "What're you going to do?"

Stephanie reached into her purse and grabbed her cell. "Ranger."

"_Ranger_?" Lula repeated hesitantly, and Stephanie caught the look that passed between the two of them.

"Yes, Ranger." Stephanie hit speed dial, but before she could listen for Ranger to pick up, Lula snatched the phone from her hand.

"Nuh-uh," Lula said. "I don't think Ranger's got a damn thing to do with this."

Stephanie rolled her eyes and grabbed at the phone. "Give me that back. And of course Ranger's got _everything_ to do with this. He's the perfect solution."

"Now how you figure that?" Lula asked, holding the phone as high above her head as she could.

Stephanie quit fighting for the phone and lunged for the one sitting on Connie's desk. Fortunately Connie was much faster, and she snatched the receiver up before Stephanie could grab it.

"_Come on_," Stephanie whined. "You, too?"

"Tell us what you're thinking before you place the call, Steph," Connie said reasonably, and Stephanie hated them both for being so rational.

"What I'm thinking is simple. Obviously Tony told Morelli about the guy in the restaurant last night. When he showed up at my place, he was looking around, as if he were trying to figure out if I was alone or not. And what does that mean?"

"He thinks you're a slut?" Lula replied with a straight face.

Stephanie narrowed her eyes at Lula and continued. "No, it means he was jealous. He didn't need my signature that badly. And he could've had Eddie or Carl or Big Dog or anybody else track me down and get it. But he wanted an excuse to come to my apartment." Stephanie smiled to herself and made another attempt to grab her cell phone from Lula's hand. "So let me give him something to be jealous about."

Lula tucked the cell down into her bra and frowned. "Now Steph, you know I'm always straight up with you. Always have been. Always will be. You're like family now. Like that crazy cousin that gets hidden away and only brought out on special occasions." Lula laughed, and Connie fought back a grin.

"_Funny_," Stephanie said sarcastically.

"You know I'm teasing you. But joking aside, what you're thinking is crazy. Ain't no way Officer Hottie gonna handle this jealousy thing with Ranger the way you're thinking."

But Stephanie was unconvinced. "Why not? It's perfect. All I have to do is get Ranger to take me out. Go somewhere that Joe will be, and the rest will work itself out."

Connie shook her head at Lula and sighed. "Stephanie, I'm going with Lula on this one. Using Ranger to win back Morelli is probably the worst idea you've ever had. And you've had some really bad ideas over the years."

But Stephanie was unconvinced. "You two don't know Morelli the way I do. Trust me. It'll work. Now may I please have my phone?" she asked Lula, holding out her hand impatiently.

"Nah, I ain't giving you back your phone. Not yet anyway. We got to talk about this some more. And I'm hungry. Let's go grab some lunch." Lula snatched up her purse and turned to Connie. "Can we bring you back something?"

"No, but thanks." Connie picked up the files Vinnie had tossed on her desk and handed them to Lula. "But take these, and try to bring in at least two or three today. And talk some sense into her."

"I got a better chance of bringing every single one of these in today before I talk some sense into this wackjob."

"Hey!" Stephanie cried out. "If you're going to insult me, I'm leaving."

"No you ain't. You coming with me, and I'm gonna talk some sense into you just like Connie said."

But as they made their way to Lula's car, Stephanie knew her mind was already made up, and she wasn't changing direction. It was time to raise the stakes and force Morelli to admit his feelings. And she knew, without a doubt, Ranger was the perfect way to make that happen.

But as she settled herself into the seat and snapped her seat belt into place, a nagging thought forced its way into her brain and refused to leave. "What if they're right, Stephanie?" it asked her over and over.

But all Stephanie did was ignore that tiny voice and stare straight ahead. _Of course they aren't right_, she finally told herself. She knew what she was doing. And it was going to work.

At least she hoped it would.


	6. Chapter 6

As soon as Stephanie made it back to her apartment, she grabbed her phone and began dialing numbers. She called every single female listed in her address book and extracted promises from each of them to contact her the moment Morelli was spotted.

Having settled that, she once again dialed Ranger, and thankfully he answered on the first ring. They arranged to meet later at a to-be-determined time and location, and Stephanie let Ranger assume he was helping her with a job. In her mind, what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

She spent the rest of the afternoon deciding on her wardrobe, perfecting her hair and makeup, and picking the perfect pair of shoes. Finally, at around seven thirty, the telephone rang.

"Hey, Steph. It's me. The eagle has landed." And then in a whispered tone, she heard, "At Pino's."

"Gotcha," Stephanie said, trying hard to supress a laugh at all of the silly code talk.

"Hey, Steph, before you hang up, I think there's something you oughta know ..."

But Stephanie didn't have time to listen. She was on a mission, and all she could think about was reaching Ranger before Morelli left Pino's.

"Gotta go. But thanks. I owe ya. Big time!"

"Wait a second ..."

But Stephanie had already disconnected. It was time to get down to business.

* * *

Stephanie pulled up in front of RangeMan and laid on the horn. Ranger stepped out of the shadows and jerked open the car door. "Babe."

"_Get in! Get in!_"

He barely had time to shut the door before Stephanie was merging into traffic.

"So where are we going, who are we looking for, and why do you look like that?"

"I thought you were supposed to be a man of few words?" Stephanie grumbled.

"I try. But I like to at least know who I'm after, as well as what's going on."

"Just follow my lead. I'll recognize him when I see him."

Stephanie pulled into the parking lot of Pino's and quickly scanned the cars in search of Morelli's SUV. She finally spotted it at the end of the first row, so she swung a sharp left and zipped into a spot at the back.

She checked her reflection in the rear view mirror, touched up her lipstick, and threw open the driver's side door.

"Pino's, huh?" Ranger asked skeptically.

"Even felons have to eat," Stephanie said with a shrug. She tugged at the bottom of her skirt, beginning to second-guess her choice in attire. Her skirt didn't seem that short when she was alone in her apartment.

Ranger took hold of her elbow and escorted her to the door, which he held open for her.

Stephanie brushed past him and plastered a huge "_I don't have a care in the world_" smile on her face. She casually scanned the crowded room, looking everywhere for Morelli.

"You hungry?" Ranger asked, and Stephanie nodded automatically.

"Sure. I could eat." But food was the last thing on her mind. Her stomach was twisted up in knots, and the thought of eating anything made her want to vomit. But it was as if she couldn't have stopped the words even if she had tried. "I'll take a meatball sub," she told him, making her way to a booth by the windows. "And a Coke."

She settled into the seat and scanned the crowd once again. She'd seen Morelli's SUV, so she knew he was there, but where the hell was he?

And no sooner had the question passed through her mind when she spotted a leggy brunette walking side by side with the hottest man in Trenton. Morelli.

_Her_ Morelli.

Heat coursed through her body, and she could feel her cheeks burning. The woman with Morelli was a perfect ten. Tall. Gorgeous hair. Perfect teeth with a beautiful smile. And Morelli had leaned into her, obviously saying something charming to cause the flirtatious smile she was flashing him.

Her breasts were just the right size, her heels just the right height, and her skirt was just the right length. Walking together, they looked like the perfect couple. An Italian version of Barbie and Ken. And in comparison to her, Stephanie felt like a frizzy-haired Skipper, trying to look hot in Barbie's old hand-me-downs.

Fortunately Morelli hadn't spotted her, and he and Bitch Barbie continued on to their table. _Well, that's one thing, _Stephanie thought. _At least they're not cozying up together in a booth. _

Moments later, the sight of a Caesar salad being thrust in front of her startled Stephanie back to reality. "_A salad and Vitamin water_? Where's my freaking sub? And I want a Coke!"

"Those things are being served to some other unhealthy slob right about now." Ranger gestured toward the salad and handed her a fork. "Eat that instead. It's better for you." He handed her some napkins and grinned. "One day you'll thank me."

"Fat chance of that," she mumbled, stabbing a piece of lettuce with her fork.

"So you see the guy?" Ranger asked, shrugging out of his jacket.

"Not yet."

"Something wrong?" He eyed her suspiciously as he drizzled a small amount of dressing over his salad.

"Nope. Not a thing. Why do you ask?"

"No reason," he replied, pausing for a moment to stare at her face. "You sure you don't see him?" he asked again. Then he turned to see who she was watching, and that was when he spotted Morelli.

"Babe," he said softly and shook his head.

"Don't _Babe_ me," she threatened between clenched teeth.

"There is no skip, is there?"

Stephanie fidgeted in her seat and then frowned. She debated whether to keep going with the charade, but she knew it was pointless. Ranger wasn't an idiot.

"No. _Alright_? Happy now?!"

Ranger continued to watch her, then turned again to watch Morelli rejoin the brunette at their table. "So who's the babe?"

Stephanie glared at him, and he couldn't help but laugh. "Sorry. I meant to say, who's the chick?"

"I have no idea. And I could really care less." She stabbed a piece of chicken as if it were still alive and forced herself to bring her fork to her mouth. "But she's not _that_ pretty if you ask me. I mean, come on. Who likes really tall women?"

Ranger smiled and tilted the water bottle to his mouth. "Tall women can be overrated."

"Exactly. I mean, unless you're a supermodel, what's the point?"

"Mmm-hmm," Ranger mumbled, not even trying to hide his smile.

"And come on. If we're being honest, that woman is _not_ supermodel material. She's not skinny enough. What is she? A size ten? A twelve?"

Ranger bit into a crouton and grinned. "A size six probably, but what does it matter? That's still not small enough to be a supermodel."

Stephanie frowned and stared down at her plate. "Yeah, and her breasts. They're not that great. She's probably not even a B cup."

Ranger smiled and took another bite. "My guess is a C cup, but if you're not a breast man ..."

"Morelli likes breasts," she said quietly. "Breasts like mine, though. Probably not like hers. Come to think of it, they might even be fake."

Just as Ranger turned to take another look, Morelli spotted them. He gave them a hard stare and then turned to his date. Seconds later, he was setting his napkin on the table and standing.

Stephanie fought the urge to slink down beneath the table and instead forced a smile on her face. The memory of him in her bed just that morning didn't seem to match up with the events that were unfolding now. He should've been there with _her_. Not that brunette bimbo.

"Hey Steph," she heard him say, but she just sat there smiling like an idiot, not saying a word.

"Morelli," she heard Ranger say.

She watched Morelli as he acknowledged Ranger with a nod. "So you two looking for someone specific?" he asked.

Remembering her original plan, Stephanie tried to respond with a firm no, but she couldn't find her voice. Finally she heard Ranger speak.

"Our source was wrong. He's not here. Figured we might as well eat before we leave."

Stephanie shot Ranger a death glare, and he raised his eyebrows and gave her a subtle shrug with his shoulders, as if asking, "_What am I supposed to say_?"

"Who is it?" Morelli asked. "Maybe I can help." The question was for either of them, but Morelli's eyes were focused intently on Stephanie. Instead of answering, however, she just kept smiling.

Morelli shot Ranger a look then turned back to Stephanie. "Steph? You okay?" He waved his hand in front of her face, and the movement startled her, causing her to jump.

She forced herself to meet his gaze. "Oh, sorry. My mind wandered off for a second there." She laughed nervously, and before she could stop herself, she turned to look at his date. "Who's that?" she asked quietly.

"_Rachel_? You've met Rachel before." Stephanie shook her head in disagreement, so Morelli continued. "That's Paul's sister-in-law. She's in town for the week, and he asked if I'd entertain her tonight. Tony had her last night."

"I'll bet he did," Stephanie mumbled, and Ranger kicked her beneath the table. Stephanie stared him down for a moment, then looked up at Morelli. "How thoughtful of the two of you. But isn't she is a little overdressed for Pino's?" Stephanie stared at Rachel in disgust, then snatched up her Vitamin water and took a sip.

Morelli raised an eyebrow, then nodded again at Ranger. "Let me know if I can help with anything. I'll catch you later, Steph."

Stephanie flashed him the best "_whatever_" smile she could muster and stared up into his eyes. "Thanks, but I can handle it. Sooner or later, I _always_ get my man."

Morelli hesitated a moment, as if he were going to comment on that, but instead he simply smiled at her and turned back to his table.

And just like that, he was gone. Back to Paul's sister-in-law. Back to the Italian beauty who could probably bake a perfect manicotti and would, no doubt, pop out beautiful Italian babies. All without breaking a sweat.

"You okay?" Ranger asked quietly.

When she didn't answer, he dropped his fork, grabbed his jacket, and slid out of the booth. "Come on, Babe. Don't let him see you cry."

Stephanie discreetly wiped a tear from her cheek and slid out of the booth behind him. "I'm not crying. My contact's bothering me."

"You don't wear contacts."

"Whatever."

The cold of the night air seemed to help, and Stephanie felt as if she were taking her first breaths since having gone inside Pino's. "Well that was a disaster," she said quietly, more to herself than to Ranger.

"Next time you plan to use me to make Morelli jealous, at least have the courtesy to tell me beforehand."

Stephanie laughed at that, but there was no humor behind it. "Like it would matter. He wasn't jealous." She shook her head and pulled off one of her heels, followed by the other. "I could've danced naked on top of the table, and he would've excused himself to get back to _Rachel_."

She was walking towards her car, but suddenly Ranger pulled her arm, and she came to a stop. "_What the_ ..." she started to say, and as she turned to look at him, she thought for sure he was going to pull her into his arms and kiss her.

But he didn't.

Once again, she'd misread someone's intentions. _Why do I always have to be so clueless about human nature?_ she asked herself_._

"Babe, what are you doing?" Ranger was staring at her intently, and for the first time, she realized just how foolishly she was behaving. She should've listened to Connie and Lula.

"I don't know," she said softly. "I don't know anything any more." She stared down at her toes and watched as small droplets dripped down onto her panty hose. "I made a mistake," she whispered. "I love him, but he's given up on me. It's over."

She looked up at the sound of Ranger's laughter. "It's not funny," she told him, but he just continued to smile at her.

"Babe, any fool can see that he's madly in love with you. So why can't you see that, too?"

But Stephanie wouldn't listen. "No," she said sadly, shaking her head. "He _used to be_ in love with me. He's moving on. What we had is over."

Ranger lifted his chin with his finger and stared into her eyes. "You really believe that?"

She stood quietly and bit down on her bottom lip, not answering. And for the first time in as long as she could remember, Ranger didn't call her Babe.

"Stephanie, relationships take work." He chuckled lightly at that and added, "That's why I don't do 'em. But Morelli does. And trust me, he still wants one with you."

She started to shake her head, but Ranger continued. "But you've got to stop this. It's time to grow up and start being honest. With yourself. With him."

Stephanie stared down at the ground, not saying a word.

"I'll always be here for you, Babe. You know that. Sex between us would've been great, but I see now you need something else from me. And I'll help as much as I can. But there's only so much other people can do. First you have to start believing in yourself."

And with that, he took her car keys, opened the passenger side door, and helped her inside. He drove her home, and neither one of them said another word. Stephanie had a lot to absorb, and at that moment, she was too tired to think. And she was at a complete loss as to what to do next.

Ranger was right. It was time to be honest with herself. And with Morelli. She turned toward her building, and then realized Ranger was stranded. He'd been a good friend to her, and this was how she was repaying him. _Always putting yourself first_, she thought to herself. _You'll never change_.

"Ranger," she called out, "wait a second. How are you getting home?"

"I got it covered," he said simply, then smiled and turned away from her, disappearing into the darkness.

"Yeah," she whispered. "You always do." She let out a sigh, then made her way inside her apartment building, wondering how everyone else in the world had control of their lives, and yet hers had fallen apart at the seams.


	7. Chapter 7

Stephanie woke the next morning with renewed energy. She'd forced herself to accept the fact that Connie and Lula had been right about Ranger, and she'd also realized that her relationship with Ranger had entered a new phase. He was no longer her flirt buddy, but rather another friend she could rely on for an honest opinion. She thought back on how she used to enjoy all of the meaningless flirtation with him, and it made her sick to her stomach. She had a man like Morelli in her life, and yet she had still craved attention from other men. It made her wonder if she had unresolved daddy issues, and she contemplated a need for a shrink, but she decided to put that on the back burner. There was only so much she could focus on at a time.

She made a pot of coffee, took extra time doing her hair and makeup, and carefully chose an outfit that matched and that wasn't terribly wrinkled. She called the 1-800 number on the back of her credit card to obtain her balance and remaining available credit, then made a few other phone calls that she'd been purposely delaying.

She thought about the list she'd made with Connie and Lula and looked around her apartment. If she was going to be the perfect girlfriend, and eventually the perfect wife, then she might as well start practicing. She headed into the kitchen and grabbed two trash bags. It was time to get serious.

Two hours later, she had completely decluttered her living room and bedroom, and she had a garbage bag full of clothes she was going to donate to a local women's shelter.

She tackled the kitchen, then thoroughly cleaned Rex's cage. She vacuumed and dusted, then made her way into the bathroom. No less than an hour later, her apartment nearly sparkled, and Stephanie was exhausted.

She poured herself a third cup of coffee and dialed Mary Lou's number.

"Hey stranger," Mary Lou exclaimed. "What's up?"

"Oh, not much," Stephanie said, flipping the pages in a J.C. Penney catalog. "Just wondering if you're up for a couple of hours of shopping?"

She could hear the smile in Mary Lou's voice. "_Me_?_ Shopping_? I'm on my way! I haven't had a Girl's Day Out in forever. This is going to be fun."

But two hours later, Stephanie was irritable, and fun was the last adjective Mary Lou would've used to describe their outing.

"I don't understand what all of this is about, Steph. Would you explain it to me again?"

They were browsing in Williams-Sonoma, and Stephanie was baffled with half of the things in there. "What on earth is a fruit muddler, and when would I ever use one? And what does it mean to have _muddled_ fruit anyway?"

"Hell if I know," Mary Lou said. She picked it up, examined it closely, and grinned. "The only practical use I can see for this is hitting Lenny upside the head with it."

They both giggled, and the snooty salesclerk approached them for the umpteenth time, asking if they were certain they didn't need any help.

"Come on, Steph. I'm starving. It's way past lunchtime." Mary Lou took the shopping basket out of Stephanie's hand and passed it over to the clerk. "We'll be back. _Maybe_." Then she dragged Stephanie out of the store.

As soon as they were seated at a table in the food court, plates in front of them, Mary Lou started in with her questions once again.

"Okay, so you and Connie and Lula made a list. And in your mind, this list is going to help you win back Morelli? Am I correct?"

"Yep," Stephanie said, her mouth full of sweet and sour chicken and fried rice.

"And did you make this list before or after you shot Joyce?" Mary Lou giggled, and Stephanie rolled her eyes.

"What difference does it make?" she asked, picking up a second egg roll and immediately dropping it back down on her plate.

"Just wondering exactly what the rules are on winning back Morelli. Personally, I would think shooting someone would be a bad thing, especially with him being a cop and all, but I guess I could be wrong."

"Shut up," Stephanie told her, tossing her napkin on top of her plate and pushing it away.

"Why aren't you eating?" Mary Lou asked as she began to pick through Stephanie's leftovers.

"Because it wouldn't hurt me to lose five pounds. Maybe even ten."

"Hmm," Mary Lou said. "That's something I've never known. Morelli likes fucking skeletons?"

"_Mary Lou_!"

"Steph, your body is fine. Why on earth do you think you need to lose ten pounds?"

"You're just saying that because you can't see my ass. It's huge. And I'm sure Morelli's noticed. In fact, I know he did yesterday when he was touching it."

Mary Lou shook her head at Stephanie and stuffed a french fry in her mouth. "So when the two of you were going at it yesterday morning, he stopped what he was doing to tell you that your ass is huge."

"No, of course not. He's too nice for that. But I know he was thinking it. His hands were all over me. He _had_ to have been thinking it. So, yes, I could stand to lose a good ten pounds. Maybe even fifteen."

"Steph, you've gone from five pounds to fifteen in a matter of minutes. Do you hear yourself?"

"It's not like I'm planning to starve myself. I just need to cut back on my calories and start exercising. You've seen Morelli. He works out. He appreciates a healthy body." Stephanie looked down at herself and frowned. "I could stand to get toned and tighter in places."

"Okay, fine. There's nothing wrong with fit and toned. But what's with the new clothes?" Mary Lou picked up her Diet Coke and pointed to a group of women at a nearby table. "You really want to look like them?"

Stephanie turned to see who she was pointing at, and then she frowned. "What's wrong with the way they look? They seem sophisticated and polished. They look refined. I bet their husbands are proud of them."

"So you don't think Lenny's proud of me?"

"_Uh_," Stephanie said, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. "It's not the same thing, Mary Lou. And of course Lenny's proud of you. You're the mother of his children. He loves you. You two are perfect for each other."

"Exactly. And you're perfect for Morelli, Steph. _Just the way you are_." Mary Lou stared at the prissy women and wondered exactly what it was going to take to get through to her best friend. Women like that were a dime a dozen, and those weren't the type of women Morelli wanted. He'd always wanted Stephanie, but for some unknown reason, Stephanie refused to believe that. There were times Mary Lou was so frustrated with her that she just wanted to slap her. Hard. Maybe then she'd wake up and realize she was screwing up a good thing.

Stephanie stared longingly at the greasy fries on Mary Lou's plate, then quickly turned away. "I just want to be better. I want to improve myself. That's why I signed up to take a few classes."

Mary Lou dropped her burger and stared at Stephanie. "You signed up for classes? You're going back to school? You hated school!"

"Well, I'm not going for another degree or anything. I'm just taking a cooking class, a finance class, and a child care class. I wanted a fashion one, but it was full. Oh, and I may join a gym. And hire a personal trainer."

"Oh dear God," Mary Lou exclaimed. "It's official. You've lost your mind."

"Why are you saying that?" Stephanie pouted. "I would think you'd be encouraging me."

"First of all, what do you expect to learn from a child care class? You get knocked up, you pop out the kid, and then you take care of it. It's not rocket science, Steph."

"That's easy for you to say. You like kids."

"You like kids, too," Mary Lou said doubtfully.

"Not really," Stephanie admitted. "They're like these little creatures that smell bad, and you have to pretend not to notice. And you have to smile at them and call them cute and pretend to like them, so people don't think you're evil if you tell the truth." Stephanie couldn't resist temptation any longer, and she snatched up one of Mary Lou's fries.

She chewed and thought about it, then added, "Except your boys, of course."

"Mmm-hmm, of course," Mary Lou said and then rolled her eyes.

"Anyway, Morelli likes kids. I know he wants one of his own. Maybe even two." Stephanie winced and dropped the handful of fries she'd just grabbed down onto her plate. "Can you imagine me with two kids, Mary Lou?"

Mary Lou thought about it and frowned. "I couldn't even imagine you with a hamster."

"Exactly. That's why I need the class."

"Alright, alright. I'll concede the child care class. But what about cooking? You just throw stuff in a microwave and press a few buttons. And on nights you're too tired to do that, you order takeout."

"But Morelli deserves a wife that can cook things from scratch. I mean, that's probably what he wants, right? He _is_ Italian. Italian women cook. Look at his mother and all those little old ladies that drop by his house with casseroles and desserts. He always eats everything they bring him."

Mary Lou looked at her like she was a complete idiot. "No shit, Steph. _It's free food_. Why wouldn't he eat it?"

"Well that first time I moved into his house, he wanted me to cook him steak and potatoes and something else, but all I can make are peanut butter and olive sandwiches."

"Steph, you know you're being ridiculous, right? There are lots of things you can make. You can definitely make more than peanut butter sandwiches."

"Maybe, but I can't cook like my mother. Or like Morelli's."

"Well, all I know is that_ I'm_ a wife, and I don't cook like anybody's mother, and Lenny and the boys get along just fine. And trust me. I don't cook a damn thing from scratch."

"That's you," Stephanie whispered. "I want something different for me."

"_Fine_," Mary Lou said. "I can accept all of this if you're doing it for _you_. And not just to get Morelli to think you've morphed into the perfect woman."

"That's stupid. I'm not trying to be the perfect woman." But even though Stephanie was denying it, she knew deep down that that was exactly what she was trying to do.

"Good, because I'm pretty sure Morelli doesn't want a Stepford wife. Most normal men don't."

"I'm not trying to be a Stepford wife. Trust me. I'm just trying to turn myself into decent wife material, and I think I need a little help. That's all." Stephanie stood from the table, grabbed her plate, and tossed it into a nearby trashcan. "Hurry up. I want to buy all that stuff I picked out at Williams-Sonoma, and then I have to go see Connie and Lula. I have some bad news, and I need to get it over with."

Mary Lou let out a sigh and tossed her garbage into the trash. "What kind of bad news?" she asked hesitantly.

"I'm quitting. Effective immediately."

"Let me guess. This is part of the list."

"Well, it's a part that I added later. Without Connie and Lula knowing about it."

Mary Lou raised her eyebrows and walked behind Stephanie, glancing one more time at the _polished and refined_ women they were leaving behind. She shook her head and bit her tongue, but she couldn't resist one last comment. "Geez, Steph, you're right. Your ass is so huge I can't even see where I'm going."

Stephanie whirled around and smacked her lightly with one of her shopping bags. Mary Lou laughed, and Stephanie couldn't hold in her own giggle.

"_What_? I thought that was what you wanted to hear?" Mary Lou said innocently. "Isn't that what an _encouraging_ best friend would say?"

"_Funny_. Now shut up, and walk faster. I've got a lot to do today, and I need to get it over with."


	8. Chapter 8

Stephanie left Mary Lou and drove towards the office. She parked at the curb and sat in her car, trying to settle her nerves. She hated change, but she knew this was something she had to do. She locked her car door and walked towards the office door, pausing to give herself another mental pep talk. Then she plastered a huge smile on her face, ready to share her news.

Connie was nowhere to be found, and Lula was bent over, busy writing, a stack of papers beside her.

"Hey," Stephanie mumbled, making her way over to the box of doughnuts on the other end of the desk. "What's up?" She grabbed a glazed one and took a huge bite, only to have a big glop of creme fall from the doughnut down onto her top. "Dammit. This is my last clean shirt." She picked up a napkin and started scrubbing, but after a few seconds, she realized she was only making it worse, so she threw down the napkin. "Screw it."

Lula merely grumbled something and continued writing, so Stephanie plopped her purse down on the floor and leaned over closer to Lula, trying to get a good look at what was in front of her.

"Hey, Steph," Connie said, as she made her way back to her chair. "Just the person I need to see." She waved a stack of files around, and Stephanie frowned.

"About those," she started, when Lula finally decided to speak.

"Yep, Connie definitely needs you now. You gonna be one busy bee pretty soon."

Stephanie frowned at Lula, then stared at Connie. "What's she talking about?"

Connie fought back a smile and pointed at the papers beside Lula. "She's filling out applications."

"_What_?" Stephanie exclaimed. This was not the news she wanted to hear.

"What you see here," Lula explained, picking up the stack of papers to her left, "are some applications that I gotta get filled out and mailed in. Last night I was laying in bed thinking about your list, and I realized that_ I_ should have a list, too."

Connie shot Stephanie a look of disgust, and Stephanie shrugged her shoulders innocently, as if to say "_it's not my fault." _But Connie wasn't buying it.

"So anyhow, I decided that number one on _my_ list is that I need more money. If I had more money, I could do the things I wanna do."

"That makes sense," Stephanie interrupted, but Lula ignored her and continued talking. "And we all know I ain't gonna make enough money working here. Or staying in Trenton for that matter. So we all know what you gotta do to make money, right?"

Stephanie chewed her bottom lip and raised an eyebrow. "Um, go to college and get a degree in something that pays a lot?"

Lula scowled at Stephanie and shook her head in disagreement. "No. And you're the perfect example of that. You're not making _any_ money using your degree."

Connie and Lula stared at Stephanie, and it was then her turn to scowl. "_Yeah, but_ ..." Stephanie couldn't think of anything to say, so she took the defensive route. "Never mind. We're not talking about me." She started to pick up one of the applications, but Lula snatched it away. "So what is your plan, Lula?"

"Well, I started thinking, and I thought up a lot of things. I thought about trying to be a supermodel again, but as much as I hate to say this, what you see here just won't make it." Lula stood and slid her arms down the length of her body and did a little turn, showing off her figure proudly. "People just aren't ready to embrace this type of beauty. Curves like mine should be appreciated, but I got the hardship of being stuck in-between. Either I'm too fat or I'm too skinny. And I don't think I need to lose weight, so I'm not even gonna go there." She picked up a doughnut and took a bite. "And then I thought about gaining weight, but that just won't work either. I don't believe in forcing myself to eat. I mean, it'd probably take me forever just to gain ten pounds."

Stephanie shot a glance in Connie's direction and fought back a grin. "Yeah, that's true, Lula. So what do you have planned?"

"I'm getting to it. Patience, woman." Lula licked the sugar from her fingers and dug into the box, pulling out her second doughnut, or what Stephanie assumed to be her second one.

"So I started thinking some more. How can a woman like me make a lot of money and fast? For the longest time I just couldn't come up with a single thing. So I grabbed the remote and started flipping channels. Some crazy show about some people with ten kids or something like that was on, so I watched for a few minutes, but that show was getting on my nerves, so I turned the channel. It just ain't right to have that many kids running around like crazy fools inside one house. And the mother was bitching about the father cutting up some waffles wrong or some crazy shit like that. Nuh-uh. Not for me."

Stephanie sighed and sat down on the couch, realizing this wasn't going to be a short conversation. Connie took a sip of her Diet Coke and leaned back in her chair. She'd obviously heard the story already, but she seemed content to listen again, most likely to gauge Stephanie's reaction to everything that was being said.

"So the next show was some kinda competition where they were voting somebody off, and that's when it hit me. Reality t.v. is where all the money is."

Stephanie groaned and started shaking her head. "No, Lula. You're not seriously ..."

"Whaddya mean '_no, Lula_?' '_Hell yes, Lula' _is what you should be saying. I'm perfect for those sorta shows, and you know it. I'm loud, and I'm opinionated, and I don't care about getting in someone's face and telling them what's what. I don't take crap from no one, and even better, the camera loves me. I'll get picked for one of these shows for sure." Lula motioned towards the pile of papers and grinned wide.

Stephanie stared at Connie and then turned back to Lula. "Exactly which shows are you applying for?"

"As many as I can." Lula picked up her pen and bent back down over her papers. She wrote for a second, then stopped and looked over at Stephanie. "You know, you oughta consider doing this, too. I mean, I know it's not on your list, but you could still add it."

Connie started laughing, and Stephanie shot her a look. "_Me_?" she asked Lula, trying to hide a superior smile and feeling somewhat flattered at the same time. "No, I don't think so."

"Why not? You'd fit the crazy white girl type perfect."

"_What_?"

"Oh! Oh! I know, I know! You heard of Big Brother, right? I remember watching that show one time, and they had all those people locked up in a house, and they were supposed to be strangers, but then the truth was they all had secret partners in there. You remember that, right, Connie?"

Connie nodded her head, and Stephanie frowned. "Big Brother's stupid, Lula."

"Yeah, maybe so, but all you gotta do is stay in that house the longest, and you win a shit load of money. How hard can it be to stay in a house? Piece of fucking cake," Lula said, grabbing yet another doughnut.

"That's not the point ..." Stephanie started, but then Lula interrupted her.

"Me and you go in there as secret partners. I'll be all like, 'Yeah, I can't stand that Stephanie girl. She's some dumb ass bitch, ain't she?' And then all the other girls will be like, 'Uh-huh, you got that right.' And then I'll say, "Yeah, and I think she's a slut, too.' And then all the guys in the house will be trying to get them some, so they won't vote you out, and ..."

"_Lula_!" Stephanie yelled, then she shot Connie an evil glare for laughing so loudly. "Don't encourage her, Connie!"

"_What_?" Lula asked, surprised that Stephanie could find fault with her plan. "It's strategy. You gotta have a strategy when you play games like this." She noticed the expression on Stephanie's face hadn't changed, so she decided to back down some. "Okay, okay, I won't call you a slut. But dumb ass bitch should be okay."

Stephanie let out a sigh and gritted her teeth. "First off, I don't think Big Brother does the same thing every time. They probably won't do secret partners again."

"Oh," Lula said, obviously disappointed. "Well, I'm still gonna apply."

"And second," Stephanie added, "you wouldn't last two days in that house, Lula."

Lula looked at Connie and frowned. "I got the bitch part right, at least."

"Lula! I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. It's just that Big Brother doesn't look like that much fun, and let's face it. You're a person who likes fun."

"Yeah, that's true," Lula said, her feelings not quite as hurt now.

"They make you do all these competitions to win food for the week, and if you don't win, you have to live off of peanut butter."

"_Peanut butter_? All the time?_ Every meal_?"

Stephanie nodded her head, and Lula yelled out, "What the fuck kinda way to eat is that? _Peanut butter_? _24/7?_ Aw, hell no! " Lula shook her head and then started grinning. "Course you'd probably like that wouldn't you, Steph? Peanut butter's your specialty, huh? I mean, we could even ask Morelli that, couldn't we, Connie?"

"Oh yeah," Connie added. "Morelli knows. He knows all too well about Stephanie and peanut butter."

Both Connie and Lula were really laughing loudly now, and before Stephanie could stop herself, she stomped her foot. "Stop it! It's not funny. It was one stupid fight. And it wasn't really about peanut butter when it all came down to it. But that was a long time ago, and I don't want to talk about it." Stephanie crossed her arms over her chest and glared at her friends.

"Okay, Miss Jif," Lula told her, and Stephanie fought the urge to wipe the smirk off of Lula's face by smashing doughnut all over it.

"Stop being so pissy, Steph. Pull your panties outta your crack and lighten up." She picked up another sheet of paper and held it out. "How 'bout Amazing Race then? That one's fun. And you yourself just said I like fun."

"Yeah, Amazing Race does look like fun. You going to apply with Tank?"

"Nah, Tank said no. He said he can't be gone from home that long. I told him he could board those furry creatures of his, but then he looked at me like I'd told him to throw 'em in a sack and drown 'em in the river. But I don't care about Tank saying no, because I think you and me would make a great team."

Stephanie choked on her doughnut and coughed loudly a few times. "No, I don't think so, Lula. I'm just not a television, reality show, type person."

"Well Connie already said that she won't do it. I thought about Ranger, but I think I'd end up killing him before we even finished the race, and I'd hate to have something like that caught on camera. You sure you won't do it?" Lula asked her again.

"I'm sure. Trust me, Lula. You wouldn't want me as your partner."

"Sure I would. Just think, if we was in a race to the Pit Stop, we could just zap whoever was trying to pass us so that we could get make it to the mat first. And we both got a license to carry a gun, so we could threaten cab drivers if they don't drive fast enough. It'd be perfect ..."

"Do you _ever_ give a thought to the actual words that come out of your mouth, Lula?" Stephanie shook her head and rolled her eyes. "_Seriously._ For the _last time_, I would _not_ make a good partner. And if you _ever _get picked for a reality show, _don't_ take your gun!"

"Hmmph," Lula said with a pout. "I bet you'd do it if Morelli asked you. I bet you'd even go on Big Brother if Morelli wanted you to. Hell, I'd bet you'd even act like a slut if Morelli told you ..."

"_Lula_, you know good and well I don't do things just because Morelli wants me to."

"Mmmhmm. Let's go over that list again. Right, Connie?"

"Come on now, Lula," Connie said, adjusting her breasts in her bra and fluffing out her hair almost simultaneously. "You know good and well Stephanie doesn't do what Morelli wants. She only does what she _thinks_ Morelli wants. Which is usually wrong, but then again, that's the Stephanie we know and love."

"I hate you both," Stephanie exclaimed. "And I'm glad I'm quitting today." That wasn't exactly the way she had intended to tell them, but they'd made her mad talking about her like that, and at that particular moment, she didn't care what she said. "So there." She pouted out her lip, let out a sigh, and then looked down at the floor. "Okay, so I don't hate you both. But I am quitting."

"You're quitting?" Connie asked, obviously stunned. "Seriously?"

"Yeah," Stephanie said quietly. "Seriously."

"What're you gonna do?" Lula asked. "I mean, you already tried this once, and we already know how that turned out. The button factory, the dry cleaning place, Cluck ..."

"I remember, Lula. Thanks for the reminder." Stephanie forced a smile on her face and straightened her back, trying to act like a mature adult without a doughnut stain on her shirt. "My cousin got me a job at Dr. Medford's office. You know, the dentist."

"You're going to work in a dentist's office?" Connie asked incredulously. "You hate dentists."

"Well, yeah, I hate criminals, but I've worked here. And it's not like I'll be a patient there every day. I'll be working. And it's just part-time until I figure out what I want to do with my life."

"I thought you wanted to marry Morelli," Lula added.

"Yes, I do, but I don't want to just be a housewife. I still want to do something. I want to be a wife _and_ have a successful career. Something I can be proud of."

Connie and Lula stared at each other and shook their heads, then Connie stood from her desk and walked around to Stephanie. "You know Lula and I were just playing with you about Morelli, right? And you know we want you to find whatever it is you're looking for, Steph." She gave her a quick hug, then went back to her chair, once again fluffing her hair. There were so many things that Connie wanted to say to Stephanie, but she knew that it wouldn't matter. Stephanie had to find the answers on her own. Connie just hoped that she would wise up and figure it all out before it was too late.

"Dentist's office, huh?" Lula asked her.

"Yeah, dentist's office," Stephanie said.

"You know, Steph, I don't really think you're a dumb ass bitch, and maybe you wouldn't make that good of a race partner, either." Lula smiled at Stephanie, obviously proud of the admission. "I think you might be right after all."

"Thanks, Lula. I really appreciate you saying that."

"Hey, that's what friends do. Admit when they're wrong."

"And on that note, let's go out to eat," Connie said. "It's almost closing time anyway, and I'm starving. I could really go for some cheese fries right now."

"Mmm," Lula added. "Cheese fries. Or maybe some onion rings. Yeah, I could eat."

Connie grabbed some bills from the cash box and grinned. "Vinnie's treat."

The three of them laughed and headed for the door. Stephanie grabbed her purse and smiled, feeling both relieved and sad at the same time. She wanted to put Vinnie's Bail Bonds behind her, but at the same time, this had been her life for so long, and deep down, she was truly afraid to start down a new path.

But she took a deep breath, pulled her purse up on her shoulder, and flipped the "Closed" sign in the office window, for what she hoped would be the last time.


	9. Chapter 9

_I don't have plans to do much more writing, but I hate to leave something unfinished. I'll try to get this wrapped up soon, so for those who are still reading, hope you enjoy the next chapter. And many thanks to all who have taken the time to post such nice feedback. _

* * *

Just as Connie was paying the bill, Stephanie's cell phone chirped. She pulled it out of her purse and checked caller id. "Morelli," she said with a smile. "I better take this."

"What's up?" she asked, trying to sound casual, though her heart was racing.

"Just wondering how late you're working. Thought we could grab a bite to eat once you've called it a day."

"Um ..." Stephanie hesitated, hating the fact that she'd just shared in two appetizers and scarfed down a full plate of food. "Well, Connie and Lula and I just finished eating, but ..."

Morelli cut her off. "Oh, okay. No problem. Maybe some other ..."

"But I haven't had dessert yet," Stephanie said suggestively, trying her best to sound seductive without Lula and Connie hearing her.

There was complete silence for a moment, and then she heard Morelli sigh. "Dessert, huh?" he asked in a flat tone. Silence again, and then finally he told her, "You know, I think I'm gonna pass on that."

Another sexy comment was on the tip of Stephanie's tongue, but before she could get the words out, his response hit her like a ton of bricks. "Oh, uh ..." Her mind went completely blank, and she was at a loss as to how to respond.

"Look Steph, it's not that I don't appreciate the offer. It's just ..." He paused, and she waited for him to continue, holding her breath in fear of what she was about to hear.

"Ah, hell," he said. "Look, it's been a long day, so why don't we just talk about this later? I'll call you ..."

Not only had he turned down her offer, but now he didn't even want to talk to her about the reason why? _This is just not happening_, Stephanie thought. "No, I don't want to talk about it later," she practically shouted into the phone. "I wanna talk about it right now!" She pushed the door open and stepped outside into the parking lot so she could have some privacy. "What is this about, Joe? Why are you doing this to me?"

"_Why am I doing this to you_?" he asked incredulously. "Why am I doing _what_ to you?"

"Hurting me like this. Humiliating me. Insulting me. I think you get the point."

"_What_?" Morelli sounded like he was on the verge of exploding. "I think if anyone should be insulted here, it's _me_."

"_You_?" Stephanie asked in disbelief. "Why on earth should _you_ feel insulted? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

"_Ridiculous_?" She could hear the disgust in Morelli's voice. "Well, let's see. I called you up, wanting to take you out and spend some time with you, and instead, all you can think about is my dick." The anger in Morelli's voice startled her, but Stephanie wasn't about to be rattled.

"I can't believe you just said that."

"Yeah, well, that's no surprise. You've _always_ had a problem with hearing the truth."

"Omigod, now I can't believe you just said _that_."

"Well believe it. And you know what, I'm finished with this little game of yours. Do you hear me, Stephanie? I'm finished."

"What is that supposed to mean? And what are you talking about? _What game_?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." He lowered his voice, but the anger was still evident. "If there's going to be an '_us_,' then it has to be about more than sex."

"How funny you should say that," Stephanie said hotly. "I seem to recall the other morning in my bed ..."

"Look, there's no point in going down this road. We'll be here arguing all night if we do that. The point is, Stephanie, you need to make a decision. What is it that you want from me?"

Stephanie stood there for a moment, tears burning in her eyes. And when she finally spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper. "I want what we used to have, Joe. I want ..."

"That's not good enough for me. And you know that."

"_I know_. Believe me, I know that. All I'm asking for is some time. Just a little longer ..."

"Dammit, Stephanie, why is that the first thing you always say?"

Neither one of them said a word for what seemed like an eternity, and finally Connie and Lula came out of the restaurant. "Come on," Lula called out to Stephanie. "I gotta go."

"Look," Stephanie said, "can we just get together and talk about this? Before we both say or do something we'll regret?"

Morelli let out a sigh. "Tomorrow," he said sharply, and although Stephanie wanted to argue, she held back instead. "Alright. Tomorrow." She pulled open the passenger side door of Lula's car and pushed her way into the backseat. "Yeah, tomorrow's good. That'll give us both some time to calm down so that we can talk to each other rationally. Yeah, that's a good idea. That'll work."

"Just give me a call when you're ready. I'll try to be free by seven," Morelli told her.

He didn't know about her new job, and Stephanie decided that it wasn't the right time to mention it. She couldn't wait to see the look on his face when she told him how much she was changing and maturing, and then she imagined how happy he would be. And she knew that would be just the thing to make tonight's argument seem trivial.

"Okay, I'll give you a call," she said. They disconnected, and Stephanie spent the rest of the ride in complete silence. Connie and Lula chattered away in the front seat, and although Stephanie tried to follow their conversation, she just wasn't interested. All she could concentrate on was the next day. She had baby class in the morning and was starting her new job later on in the afternoon.

Morelli was going to be so excited when he found out about all of her changes. She just knew he was going to be proud of her and what she was doing, and then the silly argument they'd just had would mean absolutely nothing. He'd apologize for being so hard on her, and before she knew it, he'd be pulling that gorgeous diamond ring out of his pocket and slipping it on her finger. Where it belonged. Forever and always. After all, it was what they both wanted. She just had to make sure he realized how serious she finally was about getting it right.

* * *

The alarm sounding the next morning was much too early for Stephanie. She hit the snooze button and turned over, drifting off into a sound sleep. The next time she opened her eyes, the light pouring in between the slats of the blinds told her she'd overslept. And big time.

She jumped out of bed, ran into the bathroom, and turned on the water to start her shower. She ran into the kitchen, started a pot of coffee, and flew back into the bathroom, ripping off her t-shirt and panties almost simultaneously.

Thankfully she'd managed to do a load of laundry the night before, so she at least had some clean clothes to wear for her first day at baby school. She drained her coffee cup, tossed Rex a handful of grapes and a couple of carrots, and she was out the door.

Fifteen minutes later, she arrived at the address her cousin had given her. She parked, took a deep cleansing breath, and said a quick prayer. She didn't remember actually getting out of her car and stepping inside the building, but the next thing she knew, she was standing in a small space the size of a cubicle, staring at an empty desk.

"Hello," she called out, not really certain what it was she was supposed to do. She could hear the sounds of children coming from behind the door to the right of the desk, but there wasn't a single person in sight. She stood there for a moment, and after a while she noticed a button on the wall beside the door. She gave it a press, and within a matter of minutes, she saw an older woman approaching.

The woman unlocked the door and stepped into the small space, a bright smile on her face. "Hello. What can I help you with this morning?"

"Uh," Stephanie replied hesitantly, "I was told to come here, but now I'm wondering if maybe this isn't the right place."

"Do you have a child you'd like to enroll?" the woman asked, and Stephanie immediately began shaking her head.

"No, no child. Not yet anyway," she said with a nervous laugh. "My name's Stephanie Plum. I'm here for the class."

The woman nodded her head at the sound of Stephanie's name and extended her hand. "Oh, yes, Ms. Plum. I'm so sorry. I completely forgot you'd be joining us today. My name's Brenda. Brenda Watts. I'm the director here."

Stephanie shook her hand and offered her the sweetest smile she had. Brenda opened the door and gestured for Stephanie to enter. "If you would, follow me. I'll give you a quick synopsis of today's events, and then you can get started."

Stephanie took a few steps and then suddenly stopped. She stood in a long hallway, and on both sides of her were classrooms. Classrooms with windows, and the windows had blinds on them. But the blinds were open, which meant she could see inside. And as she stared into the room on her left, she wasn't quite sure she liked what she was seeing.

The room was filled with kids. Kids that were sitting at little round tables with buckets of crayons in the center. There were bright colors everywhere. She saw bean bag chairs and bookcases, easels and an assortment of other toys. Pictures were taped on the walls in the hallway where she stood. They were covered with handprints and rainbows and all sorts of other childish drawings.

Finally the shock began to fade, and Stephanie heard Brenda speaking. "Ms. Plum, are you alright? Did you hear what I just asked you?"

Stephanie turned slowly and stared into Brenda's face. "Huh?" she asked. "What was that?"

The older woman eyed her cautiously and asked, "Is something wrong?"

Stephanie licked her lips nervously and offered a shaky smile. "Oh, no, nothing's wrong. I just thought the classes would be in a school. I mean, not a kiddie school. A school for grownups."

The woman stood silently for a moment, watching her closely as if she were an escaped mental patient, and when she finally spoke, she simply asked, "_A school for grownups_?"

Stephanie shifted her weight from foot to foot. "I thought my cousin, Jeannie, spoke with you about me taking a class?"

"I'm afraid I don't understand. Aren't you interested in becoming a preschool teacher?"

Stephanie's eyes opened wide, and there was no way the woman could miss the look of shock on her face. "_What_?_ A teacher_? _No_, no way. I'd make a horrible teacher."

"Ms. Plum, there's obviously been some sort of misunderstanding. There is no class for you to take here. I was under the impression that you were here to observe and help out in our classrooms as needed, so that you might determine if childcare is a viable career option for you."

Stephanie groaned. "Oh God, no. I don't want to make a career out of this. I just want to maybe have kids one day." She looked back into the room on her left and felt a sick feeling down in the pit of her stomach. "So there's no class? Nothing to learn?"

"Well there's plenty to be learned from hands-on experience. That is, if you're willing to stay and give it a try."

Those words were exactly what Stephanie needed to hear. She wasn't about to walk away from a challenge. "Well, of course," she told Brenda. "That's what I'm here for then._ I guess_."

Brenda motioned toward the classroom door and smiled. "Let's go inside, and I'll introduce you to Miss Amy. She's wonderful with the children. She can get you started in the right direction."

Stephanie took a step forward and then stopped again. "Um, just one thing, if it's not too much trouble."

Brenda eyed Stephanie warily before she spoke. "What would that be, dear?"

"Um, is there a teacher somewhere who's wonderful with babies? What I mean is, where exactly _are_ all the babies? I was sort of hoping to learn as much as I could about that type today. Or if not babies, another age that can't walk or talk yet. Or _is_ that babies?" She shrugged her shoulders. "I was sort of thinking I'd tackle the walking and talking ones later on. I don't think I'm ready for that yet."

"I'm sorry, Ms. Plum, but we don't accept children that are under the age of three. I'm afraid there aren't any babies here."

"Oh," Stephanie said, the disappointment obvious. "Okay." She pulled the hem of her shirt down, took a deep breath, and smiled. "Well, then. Let's go meet Miss Amy."

Thirty minutes later, Stephanie was cursing herself for ever thinking this was a good idea, and she was cursing Miss Amy for forcing her to do the crap jobs that no one else obviously wanted to do. She'd been tracing and cutting for what seemed like an eternity, and her fingers were sore. But she was determined to keep going, and that was exactly what she did.

As soon as she cut the last star from the cardboard, she stood from her chair and stretched.

And Amy didn't miss a beat. She was right there, ready to dole out more orders. "Oh, good, you've finished," Amy told her. She stared down at the cut-outs and smiled hesitantly. "They look ... wonderful. And now that that's finished, I have some serious fun in store for you."

Stephanie nodded her head and hoped and prayed Amy was about to tell her she could break for an early happy hour.

"Why don't you go around the tables and introduce yourself? Spend some time learning the children's names and getting to know them."

_Serious fun_? Stephanie thought. _Yeah, right_. She ranked that kind of fun right up there with a root canal and her annual trip to the gynecologist. But instead of objecting, she swallowed hard and nodded her head automatically. "Okay," she heard herself saying, but inside her head, she was screaming, _No, I won't do it. You can't make me._

She stood in place for a few moments, contemplating whether or not she should grab her purse and make a run for it. Out of the corner of her eye, though, she saw Amy staring and frowning, and she knew this was something she was going to have to do.

She closed her eyes and cleared her mind, then approached the first table slowly. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Realistically she knew these were just a bunch of four year old kids, but in her mind, they had suddenly become huge giants that could turn on her in a flash and eat her alive. _Fe, fi, fo, fum ... _

"Miss Stephanie," Amy said in a fake, happy voice. "What are you waiting for?"

"Right," she said with a laugh. She managed to push her feet forward until her knees were touching the table. She stared down at the tops of four tiny heads and took a deep breath. "Hi there, little people," she said. "How's it going?"

Four heads popped up, and suddenly eight eyes were on her. No one said a word. None of the children smiled. They simply stared for a moment, then went back to coloring.

"Hmm, that's a pretty picture," she told one of the little boys. "I love sailboats."

The boy stared up at her and frowned. "That's a horse."

"Oh," Stephanie said. "A horse. Of course." Then she laughed. "A horse is a horse, of course, of course." She laughed again, but none of the children joined in. "Is his name Wilbur?" she asked him.

"No," the little boy told her. He lowered his upper body down over the paper, using it to cover his drawing so that Stephanie couldn't see. "His name's Zortag."

"_Zortag_?" Stephanie repeated. "Well, that's different." She chewed on her bottom lip and decided to move on to a different table. Maybe the kids would be better over there, and maybe, just maybe, a few of those kids would like her.

Ten minutes later, though, Stephanie had to face reality. She was trapped in an impossible situation with a minimal chance of finding even one child that she could actually tolerate. As she sat pretending to listen to a little girl talk about her latest trip to the zoo, she found herself struggling to stay awake and not yawn in the kid's face.

Just as she was about to escape to the next table, the boy sitting across from her looked up and scowled in her direction. He narrowed his eyes at her and asked, "What kinda name is Miss Stinky?"

Stephanie tried to smile sweetly. "My name's not Miss _Stinky_," she said on a fake laugh. "I'm _Miss Stephanie_."

"I don't like that name."

The tone of voice the little boy used was so rude and nasty that at first all Stephanie could do was sit there in shock. But then she decided there was no way some little punk kid was going to get the best of her. "Well what if I didn't like your name?" she asked him. "Wouldn't it hurt your feelings if I told you that?"

The little boy looked at her for a moment and then picked up a purple crayon. "Nope. I'd just kick you real hard and then stick out my tongue." He slashed a purple streak across his paper then turned his face upwards, demonstrating exactly how he'd stick his tongue out at her.

Stephanie glanced around the room quickly, and seeing that the coast was clear, stuck her tongue back out at him.

The boy's mouth fell open in surprise and immediately his hand shot up in the air. "I'm tellin' on you."

"_No, no_," Stephanie said, planting a forced smile on her face. "I was just playing around like you were. You don't want to tell, because then we'll both get in trouble, and that won't be any fun." She smiled again, and the boy seemed to be thinking it over.

"Maybe I won't tell," he finally said. "But you gotta give me something."

"_What_?" Stephanie couldn't believe her ears. She was being blackmailed by a preschooler. She narrowed her eyes at him and shook her head. "I don't think so," she told him, but then he raised his arm again.

"_Put your arm down_," she whispered between clenched teeth. She sat there for a moment and then remembered what she had in her pocket. "Do you like gum?"

"Mmm-hmm, as long as it's the good kind," the little brat told her.

"_The good kind_?" Stephanie repeated. She rolled her eyes and tossed the pack at him beneath the table. "This is all I have. Take it."

She continued to glare at the kid, and then suddenly, she felt a tap on her shoulder. _Crap. Busted._ Stephanie immediately had visions of Miss Amy throwing her out of the classroom, and Miss Brenda tossing her out into the street. She wouldn't be allowed within a five mile radius of another preschool as long as she lived. And then what would that mean for her future children?

Finally a tiny voice pulled her back to reality. "Hi Stepy."

Stephanie turned to see a little girl standing beside her. She was chewing on her finger, which Stephanie thought was gross, and she contemplated asking her when was the last time she had washed her hands. But instead she asked, "Did you say_ 'Stepy_?' Because if you did, that's wrong." She leaned closer to the little girl and smiled. "Can you say _Stephanie_?"

The little girl just stood there, continuing to chew her finger, and Stephanie did a mental eye roll. She was really starting to think that kids were just not her thing. "Okay," she said on a sigh. "How about _Stephie_?" You sort of left out the _h_ sound." She thought about it for a moment and added, "And I think you're supposed to put a 'Miss' in front of it. You know, _Miss _Stephie. Everyone else around here is a Miss somebody or other."

The girl nodded her head. "Like Miss Amy. And Miss Ellie. And Miss Brenda."

"Right. And I'm Miss Stephanie."

The girl just continued to stare, and that was starting to make Stephanie nervous. She had no idea what to say to kids in the first place, and now there was one invading her personal space and obviously waiting for her to say something. She thought about complimenting her on how pretty she was but decided that might not be such a good idea. If she told that to one child, she'd then feel obligated to say that to all of them, which meant she'd have to lie to the ones that she thought were kind of ugly. In Stephanie's mind, it seemed like more of a hassle than it was worth.

She stared at the little girl again, and for a brief moment, she had a mental image of what a daughter with Joe would look like, and in her mind, it was a lot like this little girl. She had gorgeous brown eyes and long, dark hair that fell in pretty waves down her back. She wore a pink sundress dotted with little flowers, and the white sandals on her feet showed off her little pink toenails beneath. There was something about her that seemed familiar, but that was impossible. She wasn't one of Valerie's kids, and other than that, Stephanie didn't really know any children.

"You wanna see my picture?" the little girl finally asked her.

Stephanie hesitated for a moment, then stared at Psycho Kid stitting across from her. If it meant getting away from him, she'd go just about anywhere. "Okay," she finally said, allowing the child to take her hand and lead her over to her table. "So, you know that I'm Miss Stephanie, but I don't know your name."

"Sophie."

"That's a very pretty name."

The girl nodded her head and pulled out her chair to sit down. She picked up her paper and began pointing at stick figures. "That's me. I gots on a pretty pink dress. It sparkles. And that's my mommy and that's my daddy and that's my brother and that's my n'other brother. And you see that right there?"

Stephanie nodded her head and smiled. "Is that a kitten?"

"Nuh-uh. That's my baby."

"_Your_ baby?"

"Uh-huh. Her name is Lissa."

"Is that your baby sister?"

The girl shook her head. "I don't gots a sister. Lissa is my most favoritest dolly ever. I gots her for Christmas."

Stephanie debated whether or not she should correct her on '_gots_' and '_favoritest_' but eventually decided against it. She wasn't her kid, and she had no plans to ever see her again. So instead she simply said, "Cool."

"You wanna draw a picture?"

"No, I don't think so ..."

"_Please_?"

Stephanie let out a defeated sigh, and for the thousandth time that morning forced yet another fake smile on her face. "Okay. Fine." She pulled out one of the little chairs and plopped herself down. She picked up a crayon and stared at Sophie. "What should I draw?"

"Draw you. And then your mommy and your daddy and all the other peoples in your house."

Stephanie wanted to tell her it had been a _long_ time since she'd lived with any of those "peoples," but like an obedient child, she picked up a crayon and began to draw. First she drew herself, then she added her father and her mother, Grandma Mazur, Valerie, and Valerie's kids. Just as she finished drawing a horse beside Mary Alice, she realized that she had forgotten Albert. She thought about drawing him fat but decided it was best to stay with the stick figure shape. And no sooner had she added the tie to show that it was a man did she hear Sophie ask, "Is that Uncle Joe?"

"_What_?" Stephanie dropped the crayon and whipped her head up, staring directly into Sophie's face. _Oh shit._ Now she knew why she looked familiar.

Sophie was Joe's niece. The daughter of Joe's older sister, Cathy. Angie Morelli's favorite granddaughter.

"Oh no," she groaned quietly. She sat there for a moment, trying to decide how bad of a situation she was in, and after deciding it was something she could handle, she plastered on a grin and said, "No, this isn't Joe. It's my brother-in-law. He's married to my sister Valerie."

Sophie nodded her head and stared down at the paper. "Okay. But you still gots to draw Uncle Joe."

"Yeah, sure. I'll draw your Uncle Joe." Stephanie picked up another crayon, and Sophie pointed next to the stick figure of Stephanie. "He goes there."

_Oh God, could this day get any worse_? Stephanie wondered.

Unfortunately it could. _And it did_.

Twenty minutes later Stephanie was reading _If You Give a Mouse a Cookie_ to the kids at the next table when the quiet of the classroom was interrupted by the sound of a child crying and Miss Amy shouting.

"Where on earth did you get gum, Justin?! You know good and well you are _not_ allowed to chew gum in this classroom!"

Stephanie closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then turned just in time to see Psycho Justin pointing at her and little Sophie standing beside Miss Amy, tears streaming down her face. And in that same instant she saw why Sophie was crying.

She had a huge wad of gum stuck in her gorgeous dark brown hair.

Stephanie immediately closed the book, set it back down on the table, and stood from her chair. She collected her belongings from Amy's desk, never once saying a word.

_And to think_, she told herself as she walked towards her car, _I still have to start my new job at the dentist's office today_. What on earth had she gotten herself into?


End file.
